Author's Note: July 2001

I found this story I'd written a while back after I lost a friend and thought I would post it. It does deal with the death of a main character. Hope you enjoy.

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It has been a year since the accident...no, not an accident, it was an attack…and a year since I lost my best friend. I still haven’t gotten use to the fact that he’s gone, and I know I never will. My partner, best friend…a man who was like a brother to me. It still seems like a dream, a horrible nightmare that I can’t wake up from. At first he was fine, or at least he kept telling me he was, then before I knew it, he was gone. And it happened so quickly that I never had a chance to say good-bye.

It was the end of shift and we were still at the station when we got the call from Rampart, it was Dr. Brackett. I could tell by the look on Cap’s face that something was wrong. When he hung up the phone he turned to the rest of us and told us that Brackett had some bad news and we all needed to come to the hospital as soon as we could get there because he didn’t want to talk about it over the phone. For me, that’s all I needed to hear.

I knew that partner of mine hadn't been feeling well but the way he had fought me over it, I didn’t think he would even go to the hospital, at least not without somebody dragging him. But something inside of me told me, my partner was gone. Somehow, I think the rest of the crew knew it to but didn’t want to say anything because of me, afraid of how I might react. They tried to keep positive thoughts and were careful about what they said but they knew, they saw how he had been acting. It just isn’t the same around that station without him.

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"You know partner, on this day, you should be here, with us. Today is supposed to be a happy day, a celebration. But instead I have to come here to visit ya. And I hate it but I know it wasn’t your idea to be here and trust me, I don’t blame you at all for it. I blame Dr. Pruett and in a way I still blame Brackett, Early and Morton. I know deep down that it wasn’t their fault, but if Brackett and Morton hadn’t been tied up with that traffic accident and Early working on the guy that hurt you then they would have been there watching Pruett, making sure he was doing everything right and you might not be here now. They might have caught it and might have been able to do something right then and there; at least they would have admitted you to the hospital. Yeah partner I know, a lot of "might’s" but still Pruett should have known what he was doing, he should’ve been able to read a x-ray. But because of his mistake, I lost the best friend I ever had."

His mind went back to that fateful day one year ago…it started out to be just another typical run, nothing that they hadn’t handled before…so why wasn’t it, what went wrong…

"Mornin’ mornin’ mornin’, how are you guys doing this morning?" Johnny said as he bounced into the locker room ready for another day at work.

"Pretty good, except Joanne had me working around the house the whole time. Sounds like you had a good few days off, what did you do?" Roy asked as he finished changing into his uniform.

"Even though it was short, I had the best three days of my life. And after last week, man I really needed it. So after I left here I went home, packed up my camping gear and went off by myself up in the mountains and did nothing but relaxed. Just me and the great outdoors, it was exactly what I needed."

That was Johnny. Give him the mountains and time to himself and no matter if something was bothering him or not, he’d come back a new man. He was also easier to get along with.

As Cap poked his head in the locker room and announced that roll call was in five minutes he also said, "Well John, looks like your days off helped, you’re even on time for a change."

"Yeah well…I…you know I don’t…I mean…I…I’m not…Cap, I get here on time…most days." Johnny finally got out as he turned and tried to hide the smile spreading across his face, knowing that his Captain was right.

Looking over at Chet and seeing the look on his face, knowing he was going to start in on Johnny Cap said, "Kelly don’t start, at least not now."

"Yeah, it’s too early in the morning to hear you and Johnny go at each other." Marco added.

Wide eyed and mouth hanging open Chet answered, "What did I do, I didn’t say anything!"

"No, but you were going to. Cap just stopped you before you had the chance." Mike told him.

"Cap, guys, don’t worry. I’m in such a good mood, that not nothin', not even ole’ Chester B. can ruin it for me. So say what you will Kelly, you won’t bother me." Johnny said as he slapped Chet on the back.

Smiling Cap told his crew, "Okay now that we have that straightened out, let’s get roll call over with before we get a run shall we?"

The guys quickly finished getting ready and assembled in the engine bay for their usual morning routine.

As soon as roll call was finished and assignments were handed out, the men went their ways to do their work. Being that it was the day before Johnny’s birthday Cap decided to go easy on him and only gave him the dorm to clean and straighten. As soon as Johnny was out of sight, the rest of the crew gathered around Roy.

"So, are we ready for Johnny’s party tomorrow night?" Marco quietly asked.

"Yeah we are. But first off, Chet, why don’t you be the first to give Johnny a present and tell the phantom to stay away from him, at least for today and maybe the next few days, okay. He’s in a good mood and since I’m the one who has to ride with him I don’t want to hear him rant and rave about something you’ve done to him. Please Chet, if you won’t do it for Johnny, do it for me and don’t start on him."

All eyes turned to face Chester B. Everyone knew that Chet only played jokes on Johnny because he cared about the dark-haired paramedic and that was his way of showing it. But they also knew that Chet had a tendency to strike at the most inconvenient times.

"What is this, pick on Chet day, besides it’s not me, the phantom pulls the pranks, I only help out. Is it my fault that Gage is the perfect pigeon?" Chet replied as innocently and hurt sounding as he could.

"Well do us all a favor, tell the phantom to take a vacation for the next week or so. And don’t force me to make it an order pal."

"Okay Cap, I’ll inform the phantom that Johnny is off limits. You guys don’t need to worry for the next week or so he’ll be on a vacation, but not a permanent one. So, after that…" Chet said as a grin spread across his face.

Everyone shook their heads knowing what that meant…that after a week Johnny would be fair game, nothing would be held back.

Trying to get back to the matter at hand Mike asked, "What do you want us to do to help with the party?"

Roy checked to make sure Johnny was still in the dorm before he went on. "Well, since Joanne is gonna be fixing all the food, you guys can help by picking up a few things. Mike, I want you to pick up the cake. I put in the order this morning and they said it would be ready when you get there tomorrow afternoon. Cap, you and Chet can bring the drinks."

Cap, Chet and Mike all nodded in agreement.

"Marco, Jennifer wanted me to make sure you were still coming to help her and Chris make the banner and put up the other decorations. Also, can you call Dix and the docs at Rampart? I won't be able to ask them with Johnny there."

"Sure thing Roy. Just tell me what time to be there. When I get a minute I'll call 'em." Marco replied.

"Okay thanks. Now with the party being at 8:00 tomorrow night, could you all meet at Cap’s house around 5:30 and I’ll just come by and pick you all up there and we can be back at my place by 6:00 so we can have everything ready. Then Johnny should be there a little before 8:00. Joanne invited him to dinner for his birthday so he won’t suspect anything…as long as he doesn’t see a bunch of cars in the driveway. And…"

Just then the tones sounded. "Station 51, unknown type rescue, 2259 Florence Avenue, 2 2 5 9 Florence Avenue, cross street Lincoln, time out 08:30.

"Station 51 10-4 KMG365."

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"That was a heck of a run, wasn’t it partner. It started out to be a normal run then everything started going down hill. To this day I still don’t understand what happened, we were only trying to help. But, a person on drugs can be so unpredictable."

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As the crew pulled up to the scene and exited the vehicles, they noticed the run down abandoned buildings. They saw the broken out windows and the garbage lying around. They heard shouting coming from the building and Johnny and Roy both began having a bad feeling about this run. Their worry wasn’t lost on their Captain.

"LA engine 51, please respond police to our location."

"10-4 51."

"Roy, John, hang back till the police show up. We don’t need to take any chances."

"Right Cap." the paramedics answered in unison as they got out their equipment.

Suddenly a man in his early twenties came staggering out of the building, falling against the paramedics. The signs of drug and alcohol use were obvious, the slurred speech, dilated pupils, twitching and anxiety.

"Alcohol and cocaine." Roy whispered to Johnny.

Johnny was only able to nod as he tried to get the man to sit down.

"Alright man calm down, calm down. We’re here to help. Is there anybody else in that building?"

"Huh, what…ah yeah man…my, my friend…he’s bad, real bad…can’t…can’t get him…to calm down."

"Where is he?" Roy asked

"In there man…second…second floor….last room on…on the left, ah right."

"Second floor, last room on the right?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah man. That’s what I said."

About the time Johnny and Roy were getting ready to go into the building, Vince pulled up. Walking up to the two he asked, "John, Roy what have you got?"

"This guy says there is someone else in the building, probably as high as he is. Me and Johnny may need some help."

"Let’s go."

Johnny and Roy picked up the biophone and drug box and along with Vince, made their way into the building. Vince took the lead as the three made their way to the room where the man was supposed to be. As they entered the room, they saw the man, sitting in the corner with a wild look in his eyes, but calm, too calm.

"He seems pretty calm now. Let me see if I can get him to talk to me." Johnny told them.

As Vince started to follow Johnny Roy held out his hand and said, "Vince, why don’t you hang back a minute, we don’t wanna spook him. Junior, be careful."

"Always Pally. Here...hold this."

Handing Roy the drug box, Johnny moved slowly toward the young man. Kneeling down in front of him so he wouldn’t feel threatened, Johnny spoke softly.

"Hi, my names Johnny, that’s Roy, my partner. We’re LA county paramedics and we’re here to help you. Can you tell me what’s wrong, what’s your name?"

Roy knelt down beside his partner and opened the drug box and biophone. Vince was becoming uneasy about the situation and slowly pulled his gun from his holster and held it down beside him.

"Johnny, I’ll get on the line to Rampart."

"Okay, I’ll have his vitals for ya in a minute. Hand me a B/P cuff and stethoscope."

Looking back over to the man Johnny again asked, "Hey, what’s your name?"

The man looked at Johnny with a glazed look in his eyes and not really knowing where he was or what was going on he answered, "Tim, Tim Lilly. Hey, what are you gonna do?"

"Just take it easy Tim, I’m gonna take your blood pressure and other vitals and check you over. Then Roy’ll be getting in contact with the hospital and they’ll tell us what to do for ya. Just relax for me."

"Rampart, this is Squad 51, how do you read?"

"51 this is Rampart, go ahead." Morton’s voice came over the biophone.

Rampart we have a male, about twenty four years of age. Possible drug and alcohol abuse. There doesn’t appear to be any trauma that is apparent. A friend says that he was agitated earlier but right now he is calm and cooperative. We’ll also be bringing in his friend."

"10-4 51, what are his vitals?"

"Stand by for vitals."

"Roy, his B/P is 110/70, pulse is 35 and his respiration is 20. Ah, he’s still pretty calm, but his pupils are dilated and he’s diaphoretic."

As Roy was repeating the information to Rampart, Tim again became agitated. As Johnny was calming him down, Tim saw Vince slowly approaching him. That’s all it took.

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"I’m so sorry. This is all my fault, I should’ve seen Vince moving toward you guys, but I was on the phone with Rampart and everything started happening so fast I didn’t have time to stop him. But that isn’t an excuse and I’ve replayed that whole run over and over in my head trying to find out what I could have done different…different so that you’d still be here. Partner, can you ever forgive for this? If I had known…if I’d only known."

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Chapter 2

Tim’s breathing became rapid and labored and seeing Vince wasn’t helping.

Roy noticed how Tim was reacting and whispered to Vince, "Vince, I think we’ve got it under control, why don’t you step out into the hall. If we need anything, we’ll be sure to yell."

Standing there for a minute, debating whether to leave his friends alone or not, Vince slowly put his gun away and turned and walked out into the hallway. After a few minutes and without warning Tim violently pushed Johnny away causing him to fall backwards. Quickly standing, he grabbed Johnny up and threw him against the wall, his head connecting hard with it and he fell to the floor as darkness overtook him.

Roy started toward his partner but was pushed roughly away. Tim bent down to pick up a pipe that was on the floor and started toward Johnny. As he delivered a kick to Johnny’s ribs and raised his hand to deliver the blow to his head, a shot rang out, dropping him to the floor.

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"When you fell to the ground and didn’t move and then I saw him with the pipe in his hand…I’m glad Vince is a good shot. If he had missed that guy you would…well, you know what I mean. I’d say all three of us could or would have been here. Everything that I feel…everything that I trained so hard for was to heal. I have never wished for someone to die. I have never prayed that another human being would slowly feel the life drain from his body but seeing what he did to you, I did. I wanted him to die."

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Hearing the shots, the rest of the crew came running into the building. As they entered the room they saw Johnny and their victim both lying on the floor. Johnny had some swelling on the side of his head, minor bleeding from mild laceration over his right eye and was unconscious. Their patient was a different matter. He had a chest wound that was bleeding badly. Roy was kneeling by Johnny trying to get him to wake up.

"Johnny, can you hear me. Come on partner, can you open your eyes for me?"

"LA engine 51, respond another squad and ambulance to our location. We have a code I!"

"10-4 51."

Kneeling down beside Roy Cap asked, "What in the world happened here?"

Still having a stunned look on his face Roy answered, "I don’t know, he just went crazy. He was calm and Johnny was checking him out, I was on the phone to Rampart and all at once he went nuts. He threw Johnny up against the wall and Vince shot him as he was about to hit Johnny in the head with that pipe."

Cap knew how close his paramedics were and that Roy wanted to take care of his partner, but he also knew the other victim was more serious and needed more attention than Johnny needed.

Standing and looking over at the other victim he said, "Ah Roy, don’t you think you oughta go help that guy, we’ll keep an eye on Johnny."

Not wanting to leave his partner, but knowing that his Captain was right, Roy answered, "Yeah Cap, I guess he does. If Johnny, ah I mean when Johnny wakes up, don’t let him move too much until I can take a look at him. Mike, you and Marco see if you can stop the bleeding. Chet, you come with me."

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"I didn’t want to leave you, but I knew Cap was right. That guy did need more attention, although I have to admit that I didn’t want to give him any help after what I saw him do to you. Why did this have to happen, it isn’t fair."

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Roy slowly walked over to his victim. Tim was unconscious and bleeding badly.

"Chet, hand me a pressure dressing. I’ll see if I can get this bleeding under control."

As Roy worked on the young man, he kept a watchful eye on Johnny. His partner was still unconscious and Roy was worried.

When Squad 16 finally arrived and Brice and Bellingham entered the room Roy quickly rose and said, "Brice, you two take care of this guy, I have to get back to Johnny."

He walked away not waiting for Brice to reply.

As Roy reached his partner, Johnny started to come around.

"Welcome back Johnny. About time you woke up." Roy said with a smile.

"Huh, what happened, how long have I been out?" Johnny asked as he tried to sit up.

Roy gently pushed his friend back down and said, "Hold on Johnny, don’t get up yet. You and that wall there had a little run in and needless to say, you lost. You also got kicked in the ribs and was out for about five minutes. You had us worried Junior. How do you feel, any dizziness, headache, double vision, anything?"

"Ah no just, just a headache, but it’s not bad. My side hurts a bit."

"Don’t worry, I’ll take care of ya. Do you hurt any place else?" Roy asked.

Suddenly Johnny’s tone change as he became agitated, "Don’t play paramedic with me Roy, I’m fine. You always make a big deal out of nothing!"

Everyone was surprised at how quickly Johnny’s mood had changed and Cap noticed that he seemed a bit disoriented and said, "Roy, maybe you ought to run him into Rampart, just to have him checked out."

"Well, you’re still bleeding a little bit there but I’ll fix that up for ya. But I think Cap’s right, you need to go get checked out just to be sure." Roy told his partner.

"Roy, Cap please, I’m fine, I don’t need to go to Rampart. Really, there isn’t anything wrong with me. I just got a bump on the head that’s all. Let me sit up!"

Chet saw a chance to rib Johnny and he took it. "Yeah Gage, and we all know how hard your head is. Nothing can hurt it."

"Shut up Chet!" Johnny shouted as he held his throbbing head in his hands.

Chet suddenly felt an elbow in his ribs, it was Marco. Glaring at Chet he said, "Chet, Roy and Cap are trying to get Johnny to go to the hospital. I don’t think now is the time to start in on him, not with the mood he’s in. You really aren’t helping matters any."

Seeing that Johnny wasn’t really with it Chet quickly added, "Sorry Johnny. I agree with Cap and Roy, you need to go be checked out."

"No!" Johnny angrily said as he jerked away from Roy and tried to stand. Almost getting to his feet, a wave of dizziness came over him he almost fell back to the floor.

"Whoa Johnny, take it easy. You’re so dizzy right now you can hardly stand up. Now sit back down and let me check you over." Roy said.

"I don’t need or wanna be checked over, just leave me alone and give me a minute. I’ll be alright, I just got up too fast!" Johnny shouted.

Roy knew that Johnny needed medical attention but he also knew how stubborn his partner could be, especially when it came to hospitals. The fact that his partner’s mood had changed so quickly had Roy worried so Roy turned to his Captain with a pleading look in his eyes. He hated to have Cap make it an order but he knew that it was the only way to get Johnny to agree to go into Rampart.

Cap caught the look and placing a hand on Johnny’s shoulder he calmly said, "John, you might think you’re alright, and hopefully you are, but you are going to go to Rampart and be checked out, and that’s an order."

"Yes sir." Johnny whispered with a defeated tone in his voice.

Even though he was still agitated he knew it was a waste of time to argue with his Captain.

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"I hated to do that and I know you were probably mad at me but I was only doing what I thought was best for ya partner. I know how you hated going to Rampart, even though you were a frequent guest and had a standing reservation in any one of their fine rooms. Yeah, I know that was a bad joke. You always said I couldn’t tell a joke, but it is true. You landed in Rampart so many times, I lost count. Let’s see there was the virus that almost got ya, the hit and run, you were bitten by a rattler, and those were only the major ones. Then there were all the minor strains, sprains, bumps and bruises plus the occasional breaking of bones. You should have had to pay rent to keep your room open."

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Chapter 3

Arriving at Rampart the paramedics saw it was a madhouse. Johnny was wheeled into treatment four and Tim was put in treatment one. Roy went in with his partner and seeing the mood Johnny was in, Dixie didn’t try to stop him. Dixie knew she might need some help with Johnny.

"Dixie, what’s going on around here?" Roy asked.

"There was a bad accident and Kel and Mike are tied up with that and Joe is in with the victim you guys brought in."

"Wait a minute, what about Johnny, how long is he gonna have to wait?"

Being irritated over the fuss that was being made over him Johnny said, "Roy, settle down. Like I’ve tried to tell you, I’m all right so I can wait. I don’t really need to be here anyway, I just want to go back to the station."

"You heard what Cap said, you have to be checked out. So just lay there and relax." Roy said trying to control his own temper.

"Well, he won’t have to wait long. We have a new intern that will be in to check Johnny out." Dixie told them.

Johnny looked at Roy with a disgusted look on his face. The thought of having to go to the hospital, at all, made Johnny cringe. But when he had to go and it was an intern that examined him, that made it even worse.

Johnny remembered the fire when he hurt his shoulder and Morton examined him. Now, it wasn’t that Johnny didn’t like Morton, deep down he thought Mike was an okay guy and a fairly decent doctor but it was just his bedside manner he didn’t like. Roy felt for his partner and even though Johnny hated being there, he had to be examined.

A tall, slender dark haired young man walked into the treatment room. He looked to be around the same age as Johnny and that made him feel a little bit better and he relaxed somewhat.

Walking over to the treatment table he said, " Mr. Gage, I’m Doctor Pruett, how are you feeling?"

"Oh, I’m fine doc. For crying out loud, I’ve just got a bump on my head and a little bit of a headache that’s all!"

"Yeah, and tell him the rest Johnny." Roy said.

"I don’t want to tell him the rest, all I wanna do is leave!"

"And who are you?" he asked of Roy.

Johnny and Roy looked at each other with bewildered looks. They looked at Dixie and all she could do was shrug her shoulders.

"Well, I’m Roy, Roy DeSoto. I’m Johnny’s partner and I brought him in after he was hurt."

"Is there something that Mr. Gage isn’t telling me. Did something else happen?"

"No, nothing happened."

Yeah, something happened. He’s been real dizzy since he regained consciousness, so bad he could hardly stand by himself. He was out for about five minutes after it happened and he still seems a bit disoriented; not to mention his mood is lousy. He was also kicked in the ribs pretty hard."

Turning to Dixie Pruett said, "Nurse McCall, please take Mr. DeSoto out to the waiting area then come back to help with Mr. Gage."

Seeing that Roy wanted to stay with Johnny Dixie tried to keep the anger out of her voice as she replied, "Doctor, all the other times that Johnny has been brought in, Roy’s always been allowed to stay with him. It helps…well it helps to keep Johnny calmed down. He really doesn’t like hospitals."

Becoming irritated, Dr. Pruett looked up from Johnny’s chart, first to Johnny then to Dixie.

"All the other times, are we a little accident prone? Miss McCall, I don’t really care about all the other times that Mr. Gage has been here, or the fact that his partner got to stay with him. This is a hospital not a nursery school and Mr. Gage is a grown man not a child. I don’t think he needs his partner to hold his hand. If I should need any more information that Mr. Gage can’t provide, then I’ll ask his partner. But for now, I want him out. Now please do as I ask and when you get back, call x-ray."

Before Roy could respond, Dixie took him by the arm and led him from the room. As Roy left he could see the look in Johnny’s eyes. Johnny wanted his partner to stay with him so he wouldn’t be alone. But it wasn’t going to happen…this time.

Dixie took Roy to the doctor’s lounge and told him, "Roy, Johnny is going to be okay, just wait in here and I’ll come and get you as soon as I can."

"Okay, thanks Dix. I don't like this though, not being with him."

"I know you don't, I don't either. Well, I better be getting back."

With that Dixie left to go back to the treatment room.

"Glad you could join us again Miss McCall. Now will you please call x-ray and get them down here. I want a full skull series, chest and rib x-rays on Mr. Gage. Page me as soon as the results are back."

And with that, Dr. Pruett walked out of the room. After notifying x-ray, Dixie stood beside Johnny talking with him.

"Dix, what is that guys problem, I felt like Morton was in here. Although I have to admit, Mike was never that rude. And why is he so formal, How are you feeling MR. Gage. Doesn’t he know my name is Johnny?"

"Johnny, calm down, don’t let him get to you. But I’ll tell you what I think his problem is."

"Oh yeah, what's that?"

"Well, he comes from a very wealthy family, he has always gotten whatever he wanted, he was never taught any manners, he’s rude, self centered, arrogant, stuck-up and between you, me and the IV pole, he’s nothing but a spoiled brat. I know that you and Mike have had your differences and have never really gotten along all that well but I bet you wish Mike was here now."

Giving Dixie his famous grin he said, "You win that bet. Oh, ah Dix."

"Yeah?"

"Remind me to never get you mad at me...please."

Dixie just smile at her friend then left the room. After an hour the x-rays came back and Dr. Pruett and Dixie meet back in Johnny’s room.

Johnny had fallen asleep and as Dr. Pruett put the x-rays up Johnny woke and asked sleepily, "Hey Dixie where’s Roy, he’s still here isn’t he?"

"Well, a little bit of sleep seemed to help, you’re in a better mood. Yes Johnny, he’s still here. We have your x-rays back and I’m going to go get him so he can hear what the doctor has to say. You just relax, I’ll be right back."

"Okay Dix, thanks."

"I’m in a better mood. What is she talking about?" Johnny thought.

A few minutes later Dixie brought Roy back into the room. He headed straight for his partner.

"Hey Johnny. Ah, Dix said you were in a better mood. I take it I won’t get my head bit off again if I ask you how you’re feeling?"

With a puzzled look on his face Johnny calmly said, "Why would I bite your head bit off, what are you and Dix talking about? Really Roy, honest I’m fine. The only thing wrong is this headache that won’t go away…and my ribs are a bit sore."

"You don’t remember…never mind, forget it. I’m just glad you’re alright." Roy told him, making the mental note about his partner’s memory.

After quickly looking over the x-rays, Dr. Pruett turned to the paramedics and said, "It’s seems like he’s right. There isn’t any sign of any fractures or any other problems, and his ribs are only slightly bruised. I’d say the headache should go away soon and his mood has gotten better. You can go on home now, rest and take your next shift off and then you can go back to work. I’ll have nurse McCall take out your IV, we’ll get your discharge papers and you can go."

Giving his partner a smile Johnny said, "See Roy, you were worrying for nothing, but, what else is new. I told you guys I was okay. You’re really gonna have to start listening to me."

"Doc, he’s having dizzy spells, and he was out for five minutes. Don’t you think he should stay for observation, at least overnight?" Roy asked with concern.

"For a little bump on the head? No. He says he feels fine and his x-rays are normal. Anyway, when I want medical advice from a paramedic, I’ll ask for it. Till then Mr. DeSoto, I’d appreciate it if you would keep your medical opinions to yourself. I think I have a little more training than you…or Gage. Now if you all will excuse me, I have other patients to see, ones who really need help."

"Thanks doc." Johnny said happily.

With that, Doctor Pruett left the room. Roy and Dixie stood in stunned silence at the way the doctor acted while Johnny lay on the treatment table showing his crocked grin, knowing he wasn’t going to have to stay overnight at Rampart.

"Maybe he is a little rude, but he isn’t so bad after all." Johnny told his friends.

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"When you told me the way Pruett talked to Dixie, I was surprised that she didn’t deck him. I would have loved to see her do it, he was so rude, even to me. But I suppose she is too much of a lady to do something like that. Well, on the other hand though, she always has been able to take care of herself. And you, I figured that you’d have said something to him, considering the mood you were in at the time. But I guess that maybe you felt worse than you wanted to admit. I knew you needed to be in the hospital. Dr. Pruett didn’t even notice the swelling on the side of your head. Why didn’t I force him to admit you and why didn’t Dixie go get Dr. Brackett. Why didn’t I tell her to? This really is all my fault."

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Chapter 4

As the two friends made the trip back to the station, it was done in silence with Roy keeping a close eye on Johnny. Even thought Johnny insisted that he was all right, Roy still worried about him and watched for any signs that Johnny wasn’t acting normal.

Sensing that his partner was watching him, Johnny looked over at Roy and said, "Don’t worry about me Pally, I’m fine…really. You worry way too much partner."

Roy frowned as he said, "Yeah, but with you Junior, I have to worry. I think sometimes you don’t worry enough."

As Roy backed into the station, Johnny patted him on the arm, shot him a crooked grin and exited the squad. Roy sat there, knowing that something was very wrong. He noticed how glassy Johnny’s eyes were and saw how his pupils were beginning to dilate and knew that wasn’t normal.

Cap walked over to the squad and asked, "Roy, are you gonna work an extra shift pal? It’s past time for going home."

Roy looked at his Captain and said, "Huh, oh no Cap, I was just thinking."

Roy stepped from the squad and stood in front of his friend.

"Well, how did it go at Rampart, is Johnny all right?"

"I’m not sure. Cap, I think Johnny’s hurt worse…"

Suddenly Johnny came from the locker room in his jeans and T-shirt.

Putting on his sunglasses he said, "Well, I’ll see you guys tomorrow."

Before Roy could reply Johnny’s friends saw him disappear out of the station and get into his car and drive away. As Johnny drove away, Cap noticed the worried look on Roy’s face.

As Roy was about to turn and walk away Cap placed a hand on his shoulder and said, "Look Roy, Johnny’s been hurt before and has always pulled through just fine. Why should it be different this time, he seems okay."

Letting out a sigh Roy replied, "Hopefully it won’t be different this time. Yeah Cap, I guess you’re right, he’ll be okay. Gage always seems to land on his feet."

With that, Cap headed for his car while Roy went and changed out of his uniform. They really didn’t give it much more thought till the next shift when Johnny showed up for work and still had a headache. Although Johnny wasn’t supposed to be there, and he did show up on time and when he arrived he seemed his normal, cheerful self. He had also called his replacement and told him not to come in.

"Hey Johnny, didn’t Pruett tell you to take your next shift off. Dwyer is on his way in to work for you, what are you doing here?" Roy asked when Johnny arrived.

"I work here, remember. And since when have I ever listened to the docs at Rampart? I’m fine Roy, stop worrying. And no, Dwyer isn’t coming, I called him before I left and told him I decided to come on in to work. I’m here and I’m staying."

Laughing Roy said, "Well, one thing’s for sure, you never listen to anybody…including me. How’s your head and ribs?"

Rubbing the side of his head and his side Johnny said, "Everything’s fine. Still a little sore though, but fine."

Everyone was sitting at the table having coffee when Cap came in and noticed that his younger paramedic was there.

Cap looked in Johnny’s direction and said to him, "John, I thought you were supposed to take today off, why didn’t you?"

Johnny appreciated the concern his friends had for him, but it was beginning to wear a little thin.

Rubbing his face with his hands then looking at his Captain he answered, "You know, that’s the same thing Roy just asked me. Come on Cap, all it is, is just a bump on the head. I’m fine, doc even said so. Besides, I didn’t want to sit around the house all day doing nothing."

"Okay, if you say so. Are you guys ready for the drill?"

"Sure Cap." the crew answered.

As everyone got up, Johnny lost his balance. As he was about to stumble he caught himself on the edge of the table. Roy was immediately at his partner’s side, grabbing onto Johnny so he wouldn’t fall.

"Johnny, you okay?"

Taking a couple of deep breaths trying to hold down the nausea and trying to clear his spinning head, he lied as he slightly raised his voice and answered, "Yes, for the hundredth time I’m okay. I just tripped over my own two feet that’s all! I wish everybody would leave me alone and quit askin' me that. Come on, let’s go."

As Johnny regained his composure and went out into the engine bay, everyone looked to Roy for answers. All Roy could do was shake his head. He didn’t know how Johnny was really feeling but he did know he was lying about tripping.

As everyone made their way out to the bay, Johnny pulled Roy over to the side and softly said, "Roy, sorry for raising my voice back there. I’m just tired, didn’t get too much sleep last night. This headache just won’t go away."

Unknown to Roy, there was more that Johnny wasn’t telling him.

At that moment Roy wanted to grab Johnny by the arm and take him back to Rampart but knew his partner wouldn’t hear of it.

Although he was worried he didn’t want to upset Johnny so Roy said, "Well, maybe you ought to go on back home, see if you can get some sleep. Cap can call in a replacement for ya."

Shaking his head Johnny replied, "Nah Roy, I’ll be okay. Just do me a favor, don’t say anything to Cap."

"Okay. For now anyway."

"Thanks Roy."

As Roy and Johnny joined the others Cap said, "Okay guys, let’s get ready for the drill. We are going to do a dress drill and Kelly, I hope your time won’t be the slowest again."

Chet gave a smile as he blushed and turned his face away. The rest of the crew laughed and normally Johnny was the first to make a smart remark to Chet but all he did was crack a smile as he rubbed the side of his head and closed his eyes tightly, trying to clear his vision. He was hoping that no one noticed, especially his partner. Roy did notice but chose not to say anything for the time being.

As the crew was gathering their equipment for the drill, the tones sounded, "Squad 51, man down, 9976 Highland Park Road, 9-9-7-6 Highland Park Road, time out, 08:15."

Cap picked up the mic and responded, "Squad 51 10-4 KMG365."

Johnny and Roy packed their gear in the squad and headed out on the call. As they pulled out of the station, Roy saw Johnny opening and closing his left hand into a fist and rubbing his left arm. Right then he knew for sure that Johnny wasn’t all right, but with the run he decided to wait till they got back before he pursued the matter with his friend.

----------

"I knew it then that something was wrong. Really, I knew it from the start; you just weren’t acting right. I should have canceled the run right then and took you straight to Rampart. But, I guess in a way I was scared, scared that you would be mad at me for as you would say, "mothering you." Somebody had to and I only did that because I cared about you. I shouldn’t have worried about it cause I knew you’d eventually get over it, you always did. I wish I could go back and change everything I did, but I can’t and for that, I am so sorry partner."

----------

Chapter 5

As Johnny and Roy pulled up to the scene a woman ran up to them and frantically said, "Please, it’s my husband, he can’t catch his breath and he said his chest hurts. Please help him!"

"Okay we’ll help him, just try to calm down. Where is he?" Roy asked as he was getting the oxygen and defibrillator.

"He’s in here in the den. Please, please hurry!" the woman said as she ran ahead of the paramedics.

Roy and the woman went ahead as Johnny got the drug box and biophone. As he pulled the drug box out, his left hand once again went numb and the drug box fell to the ground.

"Come on Gage, you can’t do this now. Get yourself together, you and Roy have got a patient to take care of." Johnny thought to himself.

As the numbness subsided he picked up the drug box and hurried to join his partner. As Johnny entered the house Roy was already checking their patient over.

"Roy, what’cha got?"

"Got a male, about 70 years of age. He has chest pains and shortness of breath. We better get him patched in."

"Okay, I’ll do that and get his vitals if you want to get on the phone with Rampart."

Johnny and Roy went about working on the patient. Johnny had him patched in and was taking his vitals while Roy got on the biophone with the hospital.

"Rampart, this is Squad 51, do you read?

"51 this is Rampart, we read you loud and clear." Brackett said.

"Rampart, we have a male victim here, 70 years old. He is complaining of chest pains and shortness of breath. We have him patched in and we’re sending you a strip, this will be Lead 2. Stand by for vitals."

"10-4 51."

"Roy, his B/P is 140/110, pulse is 100 and his respiration is 40 and shallow. He’s diaphoretic but his lungs are clear."

"Rampart, vital signs are B/P is 140/110, pulse is 100 and respiration is 40 and shallow. He’s diaphoretic and his lungs are clear. EKG is showing sinus tach with occasional PVC’s."

Receiving the strip Brackett said. "10-4 51, start an IV with Ringers, start a Lidocaine drip, give him 5 mg MS for the pain and put him on 6 liters of O2. Transport as soon as possible."

"10-4 Rampart. ETA is ten minutes."

As they were getting ready for transport, Roy once again saw Johnny rubbing his head.

Knowing that his friend was in no shape to drive or really to even take care of the patient, Roy choose the safer of the two as he told Johnny, "You ride in with him, I’ll bring the squad in."

When Johnny didn’t answer Roy gently touched him on the shoulder.

"Huh, what?! Sorry Roy, what did you say?"

"I said, you go in with the patient. Are you sure you’re okay?" Roy asked.

"Oh yeah I’m, I’m fine. I’ll meet you at Rampart."

With that, Johnny got in the back of the ambulance. Roy got in the squad and followed his partner.

As they drove away Roy thought to himself, *"Yeah, sure you are. You are gonna see a doctor even if you don’t want to. How could I have let this go on for as long as I have, I knew Johnny wasn’t feeling well. Why?"*

After they arrived at Rampart and turned over the care of their patient to the doctors, they went to the nurse’s station to grab a cup of coffee and talk to Dixie. By then Roy could tell that Johnny’s head was really bothering him. Reaching the desk Johnny propped his elbows on it and put his head in his hands messaging his temples and rubbing his forehead.

"Hi guys." Dixie said as she greeted her two favorite paramedics.

"Hey Dix." Roy said as he got two cups of coffee.

When Johnny didn’t respond she lightly laid her hand on his shoulder causing him to jump and back into Roy, almost causing him to spill their coffee. They both noticed how pale Johnny was becoming and knew he needed to see a doctor.

"Sorry Dix, my head is really killing me. I think I need a nap, what did you say?"

"Never mind. Johnny, are you feeling worse than you were the other day, do you need to see the doctor?" she asked.

"Watch it Dix, you may get your head bit off just for asking that question. I’ve been trying to get him to come back for the last two days and he wouldn’t. But yes, he does need to see a doctor." Roy told her.

Looking back and forth between his two friends, Johnny sarcastically said, "Look mom, dad, I’m fine. All I have is a headache that’s all. I’m fine, I don’t need a doctor."

"Johnny, you ought to see Dr. Brackett, just to be on the safe side. Roy argued.

"Roy, look I know you guys mean well, but if I needed a doctor I would know, after all, I am a paramedic. I don’t need one so…excuse me a minute." With that Johnny took off to the men’s room.

----------

After arriving back at the station, Roy placed a hand on Johnny’s arm as he was about to get out of the squad and asked, "Johnny, why didn’t you let one of the docs take a look at you back there and why did you take off to the bathroom so fast, what’s wrong with you? You started turning as white as a sheet."

"For the last time Roy, there is nothing wrong. And since when do I need your permission to go to the bathroom. Look, I’m just having a little dizziness and a headache, the doc said it would go away, and as soon as it does I’ll be fine. Please stop worrying, you guys are about to drive me nuts over this."

"It's because we care and we're worried."

Before Johnny could open the door, Cap walked up to the driver’s side of the squad, having over heard his paramedic’s discussion.

"Is there a problem here guys?"

"Yes."

"No."

"Well, which is it?" a confused and worried Captain asked.

"Cap, I tried to get Johnny to let one of the doctors take another look at him while we were at Rampart and of course, he wouldn’t. He turned white as a ghost standing at the nurse’s station to."

"Are you sure you can finish your shift Johnny?" Cap asked.

"Cap, I’m fine, okay. I can finish my shift without any problem. Like I just told Roy, I have a headache and a little dizzy, but nothing I can’t get through. I’m just gonna go lay down for awhile, that seems to help."

As Johnny opened his door and got out, the dizziness hit him again, hard. As he was about to fall to the floor, Cap ran around to Johnny to catch him. Roy was close behind.

"That’s it John, as of now you’re off duty till Dr. Brackett says you’re fit for work. You go home and I’ll call in a replacement for you…and don’t argue."

Looking to Roy he said, "Roy, I’ll put you out of service for a little while and you can take him on in the squad and take his car to him later. Roy, if he gets worse, take him on into Rampart."

Johnny didn’t feel like arguing, besides he knew it wouldn’t do any good, at least not with his Captain. He also knew that he was in no shape to drive.

Tightly closing his eyes he cleared his vision and said, "Okay Cap, I’ll go home. I’m really tired anyway and my head is killing me."

Turning to Roy he said, "You can take me home Pally, on two conditions."

"What’s are they?"

"If you’re gonna take me in the squad, don’t turn on the siren, my head can’t take it and after you drop me off, you’ll leave and let me try to get some rest. I don’t need you fussing over me."

Trying to hold back a laugh Roy said, "Okay Junior, I’ll take you home, without the siren and I’ll leave you alone. Let’s go."

----------

"I should’ve stayed. Even though you said you didn’t need me to, I should’ve gone with my gut instinct. If I’d have stayed you could have gotten to the hospital sooner and maybe you would be all right now. I wouldn’t care if you blamed me for this, I sure do."

----------

Chapter 6

Arriving at Johnny’s house, Roy shut off the engine to the squad. Johnny hadn’t said a single word the whole time as he was sitting with his head lying on the back of the seat, sound to sleep and Roy sat for a few minutes and watched the sleeping form of his partner. He hated to wake Johnny up, knowing how tired he was but knew he had to so he could get him into the house.

Roy gently shook his partner to wake him. "Johnny wake up, we’re here."

At first, Johnny didn’t stir and Roy noticed his very shallow respiration. Scared, Roy shook him a bit harder and shouted, "Johnny, Johnny, wake up!"

Johnny jerked awake as he opened his sleepy eyes and said, "What, we’re here already? Feels like I just fell asleep."

"No Johnny, you’ve been asleep for twenty five minutes. You went out as soon as you sat down. You scared me, I had a hard time waking you up. Are you sure you don’t want to go to Rampart?

"Yes Roy, I’m positive. I just want to go inside and go to bed." Johnny told his partner.

"Okay then, come on let’s go in the house and get you in the bed so you can rest better."

"Yes mother."

Johnny knew that his friend only cared about him but sometimes he felt that Roy could go a little overboard and sometimes it really drove him crazy. Johnny rubbed his eyes and opened the door. He felt the dizziness coming over him again so he sat there until it passed.

"Dizzy again?"

Johnny lied, "No, I’m fine, it passed. Help me inside, all I wanna do is go to bed and sleep. I guess I should’ve let Dwyer come in and work for me after all."

"Yeah partner, you should have. Cap was gonna call him and tell him what’s going on and that he needs to come in."

Smiling Johnny said, "I bet Dwyer won’t be too happy with me."

Upon entering the house, they made their way up to Johnny’s bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands, rubbing his temples. He felt the nausea coming on again but he fought with all he had to keep it down, at least till Roy left.

Sitting beside his partner Roy asked, "Johnny, are you sure you don’t need me to stay around for a while? I can you know."

Still rubbing his head he answered, "Yeah, I’m sure, you gotta go back to the station and I’ll be all right. I’m just gonna go to bed and sleep and maybe I’ll feel better when I wake up. You don’t need to hang around."

Reluctantly, Roy rose from the bed. His head heard what his partner said but his heart was telling him something else.

Reaching the bedroom door he turned to face Johnny and said "Well, do me a favor, when you wake up if you don’t feel any better call me, and I’ll come and take you to Rampart. Please Junior, call me."

"If I don’t, I’ll call. Now, will you go so I can get some sleep?"

"Alright, I’m going. Take it easy and get some rest and I’ll talk to you later. Oh, by the way, if you don’t feel like coming to dinner tonight, Joanne and the kids will understand. We can make it another night."

"No, I’ll be there. Since Joanne is fixing my favorites I don’t want to miss it, I just hope I feel better than I do now. I’ll see you tonight around 8:00. And Roy…thanks."

"No problem partner."

With that, Roy turned and left his partner. Little did Roy know that would be the last time he’d talk to his best friend. As soon as Johnny heard the front door close he ran to the bathroom to vomit.

----------

It was near the end of A-Shift's day and as B-Shift came through the door, the phone rang.

"LA County Fire Department, Captain Stanley…Dr. Brackett…yeah…bad news…yeah, I see…yeah, he’s still here…alright, I’ll let them know and we’ll be there as soon as we can…yeah, thanks for letting us know…good-bye."

As Cap turned to his men, Roy’s heart skipped a beat.

"Cap, what did Brackett want?"

"Roy, guys, Dr. Brackett wants us to come to Rampart as soon as we can. He said he didn’t want to talk about it over the phone, but he has some bad news."

"Johnny." Roy whispered to himself.

Hearing Roy Mike asked, "What was that Roy?"

"Huh, oh nothing. Let’s go see what Brackett wants."

After the men made their way to their cars, they drove to Rampart as quickly as they could. As they entered the emergency entrance Dr. Brackett met them. The look on his face and the redness in his eyes told them that something was defiantly wrong.

"Hank, Roy, if you all will come with me to the lounge we can talk." Dr. Brackett said.

"Doc, its Johnny isn’t it. I wanna see him, now!" Roy demanded.

"Roy please, we need to talk first. Come on." Kel said to him softly, knowing that neither Roy nor any of the guys would take this well.

Breaking from Dr. Brackett, Roy headed for the treatment rooms, as he said, "No, I don’t wanna talk I have to see Johnny. Which room is he in?"

Knowing Roy would look in every treatment room till he found his partner Kel hesitantly told him, "He’s in treatment two."

As Roy was going for the door Cap stepped in front of his paramedic and held up his hand to prevent Roy from entering.

Looking to Brackett Cap asked, "Doc, what happened to Johnny?"

"Cap please, this is my fault. If something has happened it’s all my fault. I knew he wasn’t feeling well but I didn’t make him come back to the hospital and I should have."

Turning from his Captain he mumbled, "It’s all my fault."

"Nothing is your fault Roy. Hank, if all of you will come with me, I’ll explain what happened. Come on, let’s go talk."

The doctor took the five men to the lounge. He didn’t know how he would tell them but knew it had to be done. After everyone was seated, Dr. Brackett began…

"This is so hard, I don’t know where to start so I guess I’ll just start at the beginning. About twenty minutes ago Johnny was brought in by 36’s. When they picked him up he was diaphoretic and very pale. He had told Brice and Bellingham about the numbness in his left arm and hand, the dizziness, the vomiting and they said that he was having a hard time talking…"

"The vomiting…numbness…why didn’t he tell me?" Roy whispered to himself.

Looking up at Brackett he asked, "He had a stroke, right doc, that’s all that’s wrong he just had a stroke, but he will be okay, right? Please tell me he’s going to be alright!"

"Roy, please calm down. No, he didn’t have a stroke…he had a subarachnoid hemorrhage. He…well he…he didn’t make it. I am so sorry guys. Brice said that Johnny lost consciousness as he was being brought in. They were about five minutes out when he went into cardiac arrest. They did everything they could, as did we, to get him back. Before they got him ready to transport Johnny made Bellingham and Brice promise that if something DID happened to him that they would make sure you got this Roy. They said it’s a letter from Johnny."

As the men sat in stunned silence, Kel pulled out a long white envelope from his coat pocket and handed it to Roy. With a shaky hand Roy took it and turned it over to see his name written on the front.

Then Dr. Brackett continued. "I know all of you want to see him. He’s been cleaned up and he’s ready anytime you all would like to go in. Roy, do you want to go in first?" he asked.

Still starring at the item in his hand, almost afraid to open it Roy didn’t answer. Cap walked over to him and placed a hand on his arm and said, "If you want to go see Johnny first, we can wait."

"No, you guys go ahead. I can’t believe this; I should’ve forced him to come back. I just need to be alone for a little while before I see him, I’ve gotta think and I need to read this." he whispered.

"Okay, we won’t be too long. Roy, you know as well as anybody that you could never force John Gage to do anything he didn’t want to do so stop blaming yourself for this. Come on guys, Roy needs to be alone for a while, let’s go say good-bye…good-bye to Johnny."

Cap couldn’t believe that those words had come from his mouth and he tried to keep his emotions under control as he and his men slowly walked from the room.

-------

Chapter 7

Being alone in the room Roy stood for a minute longer looking at the writing on the front of the envelope. As he took a seat at the table he turned it over and slowly opened it, pulling out a piece of paper. As he opened it up he noticed that the writing started out a little shaky and as he skimmed down it he saw that the writing got worse and he realized Johnny’d had a hard time writing it. He read…

Pally,

There are things that I want to tell you. I guess maybe I should’ve said them to you face to face but I was never very good at telling people how I feel about them so I thought this way would be easier, at least for me.

I guess if you are reading this I didn’t make it and something was wrong. So first and foremost, I want you to know what your friendship has meant to me over the last six years. You have been there for me through everything, the good and bad times, not to mention some of the craziest times. Every time I landed in Rampart, you were there, worrying your head off. Every scheme I ever came up with, although each time you told me that they wouldn’t work, and I didn't listen, but still you stuck by me and even let me drag you into a few of them. Only a true friend would let someone do that and I could never have found a better friend than what I’ve had in you.

Remember the way I would always rant and rave about something? Like when I got hooked on Adam 12 like I did, the card game I tried to come up with only to have Chet beat me at my own game. Speaking of Chet, remember when we made him think he was having trouble with his eyes? That was mean of us but with it being Chet, it was hilarious. And he always used to say I was gullible. Or when I wrote the letter to headquarters and they had a cop follow us around on our runs because I complained that people wouldn’t pull over for our siren. Man, I remember how mad I was over that. And after we almost got wiped out a couple of times you got mad to.

But on a serious note, I’ll always remember the sympathetic ear you lent when Drew died. You listened to me anytime I needed to talk about it and even the times I just wanted to forget what had happened but still talked about it, you were there to listen. I thank you so much for that.

Second, there are two things, out of probably many, that I feel I need to apologize for. Number one, remember the softball game and the bet I made between us and 36’s over who would pay for the picnic and I did it before I talked it over with you guys first? Well, I shouldn’t have done that. You guys were mad at me and you had every right to be. You were right, I should have brought it to you guys first before I did it, but like I said then, one thing kinda led to another and before I knew what I had done, I’d made the bet. I know I cost everybody extra money and I never really said I was sorry for it so I’m saying it now, I’m sorry. Make sure the rest of the guys know.

Number two, and this is for you Roy, my house. I knew that you needed time to think about buying it and I shouldn’t have bought it out from in under you, but as I always do or did, I kinda got carried away over it. I knew you, Joanne and the kids needed it more than I did. I’m sorry about that to. I can only make that up to you in one way and that is to leave you the house. I know what you’re gonna say, that you can’t take it, at least not now. But Roy, you can and you will, I insist...besides, you can't argue with a dead man. Sorry about that but I don’t need it now and I have no one else to leave it to so I’m leaving it to you and your family. I hope you get good use of it.

Roy, please don’t be mad at me for not calling you, even though I said I would. I just didn’t want you to see me like I was and worry. I got worse after you left and I always gave you enough to worry about, you didn’t need anymore. I guess I knew something was wrong but I was scared…scared of what the doctors might find. I should’ve listened to you and gone back to the hospital but as you have a knack for saying, "he never listens to me" and now I’m afraid it’s too late.

If I didn’t…well you know…didn’t make it, I’m sorry for putting you through the hurt and pain of it. Please believe me, I never meant to hurt you, you were, are and always will be my best friend and I hope you will always remember that. And since there are no guarantees in this life, tell the people you love how you feel while you still have a chance. I always thought I’d be there, that there would always be time to say the things I wanted to, but I was so very wrong.

Well, as you can probably see it’s gettin’ harder for me to write, I feel so weak that I can hardly hold the pen so I guess I’ll close for now even though there is so much more I wanna say. I am so sorry Roy, I love ya man. Give Joanne and the kids a big hug for me and tell them I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt them, you or the rest of the guys. I'll miss ya Roy."

Junior

"He knew. Somehow he knew this was going to happen. Why Johnny, why did you let it go like you did…why did I?" Roy said to himself.

As Roy finished reading the letter from his friend he felt the tears flowing down his face. He wondered how this could have happened, why his best friend was lying on a treatment room table…dead. He began to think back to when Johnny first got hurt and the way Dr. Pruett had shrugged it off as if it were nothing. He was going to have a talk with Brackett…just as soon as he said good-bye to his partner and best friend.

----------

"That was the hardest thing I have every had to do partner. Going into that treatment room and seeing you, lying so still. Watching the rest of the guys, in shock over what happened. Seeing them crying, yeah, believe it or not Junior, they loved and cared for you as much as I do. None of us could believe what was happening. One minute you were here the next, you were gone. Even though I wished you’d have called, I wasn’t mad at you, and if I had been you know I could never stay mad at you long. I understand why you didn’t call; you wanted to spare me the pain. That’s the kind of person you were."

----------

As if in a trance Roy slowly made his way to treatment room two. Opening the door he saw his friends standing around Johnny, crying. He saw Johnny lying there so still and quiet with a sheet pulled up to his chest. It looked to Roy as if Johnny were only sleeping and that he would wake at any minute. All he wanted was to walk over to Johnny and have his partner sit up and say that it was all just a joke and that he was fine. But he knew that wasn’t going to happen. As he approached the table, his friends backed away and let Roy stand beside his partner.

As Roy pulled down the sheet to take Johnny’s hand he said, "Guys, I’d like to be alone with Johnny if you don’t mind."

"Sure Roy, we understand. We’re in no hurry, we’ll be in the lounge waiting on you." Cap told his paramedic while tears rolled down his face.

Each man passed by Johnny and said good-bye once again. They gently touched Roy on the shoulder as they quietly left the room. Roy wiped the tears away as he pulled up a stool to sit beside his partner.

"Johnny, I can’t believe this is happening. You don’t know what this is doing to me, to all of us. Knowing that I could have prevented this by making you come back to Rampart, even if you didn’t want to, knowing I’m responsible…I don’t know how I’m gonna live with myself.

Dr. Brackett gave me your letter. I wish I was better at telling people how I feel to. There was so much I wanted to tell you to but with us, there never really seemed to be a need for it. It was like we always knew how the other one felt, it was unspoken between us but we always knew. You talked about the times we shared and you were right, we did have good, bad and crazy times. Fortunately more good and crazy than bad. I don’t know about taking your house Junior. I know the kids would love it but I…well, I’m gonna have to give it some thought.

I’m gonna talk to Dr. Brackett and find out if this could’ve been prevented. If Pruett missed something…Johnny, this is so wrong. Why did this have to happen? It kills me to see you lying here like this because I keep waiting for you to sit up and yell surprise and tell me that it’s all a joke...but I know it isn’t. I’ve lost the best friend I’ve ever had. I knew from the time we met that if I could get you into the paramedics that we’d be friends, I just didn’t realize at that time how close we would become, like brothers, and I’ve lost my brother. I gonna miss you so much Johnny. By the way, happy birthday buddy."

For the next two hours no one interrupted Roy as he sat holding Johnny’s hand and talking to him while letting his tears flow freely. When Roy was finally able to leave Johnny, he pulled the sheet back up over Johnny and went out into the hall to find all his friends standing waiting on him. They were there, ready to comfort their friend and each other.

"Doc, can I talk to you for a minute, alone?"

"Sure Roy. Let’s go to my office." Brackett said.

Upon entering the office Kel showed Roy to his chair and he took a seat behind his desk.

"What can I do for you Roy?" he asked.

"Doc, I need to know, did this happen because Dr. Pruett missed something on Johnny’s x-rays?"

With a stunned look Kel said, "Johnny’s what…his x-rays, what are you talking about Roy…when did Johnny have x-rays done?"

"You didn’t hear about what happened?"

"No, I didn't hear. What did happened?"

Roy told him the story. He told him about the call and what their victim had done to Johnny. The dizzy spells Johnny had been having and that Dr. Pruett didn’t feel it was necessary to admit him. He told him of the mood swings that began after he regained consciousness and how they ended after he awoke in the treatment room.

How Johnny didn’t remember how angry he had been toward people after he did wake up and how his mood changed again after they returned to the station, how he had been happy and laughing one minute, angry and raising his voice at someone over nothing the next.

The more Dr. Brackett heard the angrier he became. If Roy was right and Dr. Pruett had made a mistake that cost Johnny his life, Dr. Brackett would see to it that he was dealt with and dealt with severely.

Kel knew Pruett’s reputation of hurrying when he had a patient and he also knew how rude and short-tempered he could be with patients and the members of the staff, and that he had been spoken to about it several times. He had seen Pruett act that way a few times with Dixie and was as surprised as Roy that she had been able to keep her cool with the doctor, which was totally out of character for the head nurse.

After Roy finished telling Dr. Brackett what had happened Kel said, "Roy, I had no idea that Johnny had been here, we were so busy that day...that's not an excuse though and I promise you that I will get to the bottom of this. If Dr. Pruett is responsible for this in any way, he WILL be held accountable. I’m going to pull Johnny’s x-rays and take a close look at them myself and even ask Joe to look at them. I can’t tell you again how sorry I am, I know how close you and Johnny were. I don’t know how any of us will get over this. It just won’t be the same without him around. I’m gonna start looking into this right now, you sure you’re gonna be okay?"

Roy looked at his friend and giving a halfhearted smile he said, "Yeah, I guess I’ll be alright, one of these days. Thank you for checking on this, I just need to know and maybe it will help me accept it a little better. I can’t believe he’s gone doc, it doesn’t seem real."

"Yeah I know. It’s gonna be hard to accept for a while, a long while, but I’m here when and if you need to talk. I’ll let you know as soon as I find out anything."

As Dr. Brackett was about to leave Roy asked, "By the way doc, what happen to the victim we brought in the other day, the guy who...Tim Lilly?"

Lowering his head and letting out a sigh he said, "I don’t know if this is the news that you want to hear right now but he’s gonna be alright. They took him to surgery, took the bullet out and repaired what damage there was. He’s in ICU and Vince has him in police custody until we release him then they’ll take him to the county jail. I suppose that since Johnny die…didn’t make it, he’ll probably be charge with murder."

"So he made huh. He makes it and Johnny doesn’t, that doesn’t seem right. Thanks doc for telling me."

"No Roy, it isn’t right and we’re all gonna miss Johnny. Just remember, if you want to talk, I’m here."

With that, Kel left Roy alone. He was determined to find out why one of his good friends and one of the best paramedics in the county had lost his life.

----------

"Well Johnny, it took a few months but Brackett got him banned from Rampart General. He and Early looked at your x-rays and spotted the bleed right off, they said a first year medical student couldn’t have missed it. But Pruett did. If the docs could have gotten their way he would never practice medicine again, unfortunately they couldn’t, but they did notify the area hospitals and from what I’ve heard, he’s still having a heck of a time getting on anywhere. Serves him right for what he did to you.

"You know Johnny, you will always be remembered as a good, caring and decent human being. A man who was willing to help others and even put his own life on the line to save them. But I'll always remember you as my best friend, the best friend I ever had. Well, I guess I’d better be getting home, Joanne still worries about me even though I keep telling her that I’m okay. She knows that I’m lying though, cause she knows how hard this has been on me. But, I’m trying Johnny, I’m really trying. Well, I’ll be back tomorrow to see ya partner, I promise."

As Roy wiped the tears from his eyes, he touched Johnny’s headstone and said, "Happy birthday Johnny. I miss ya Junior."

As Roy was walking back to his car a warm breeze began to blow. He stopped in his tracks and turned when he thought he heard his partner’s voice…

"Thanks Pally, I miss you to."

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The End

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