He stood there staring at the headstone, still in disbelief after all these years.  He still can’t believe how quickly his life changed in an instant.  How quickly his life and the lives of his children were changed forever by one man’s decision to drink and drive.  No matter what anyone told him, he still blamed himself.  If only he had remembered everything on the list; if only he had insisted to go back and get the items he forgot; or at the very least, if only he had insisted on going with her.  If Only…   If Only…   If Only…   these two little words have been a part of his thoughts ever since that day 5 years ago.  That awful day that actually started when he went on duty the day before. 

FIVE YEARS AGO

As he sleepily reached for the alarm clock to shut it off, a smile came across his face as he felt a hand reach around him and hold him tight.  “Stay in bed with me for a little longer,” she whispered.  Roy shut off the alarm clock and turned to face his wife of 20 years, Joanne.  “Now how good would it be for the Captain to be late?” he asked her with a smile.  “Well, I think after all these years of being on time as a firefighter, then a paramedic and now a Captain, you deserve a little leeway,” Joanne said as she kissed her husband, “besides, after the workout we had last night, I would think you would need the extra rest.”  Roy turned all shades of red at that comment, “Oh that would sound real good trying to explain to the Chief.  Chief Stanley is an understanding person, but I don’t think even he would be that understanding.”  With that, Roy kissed his wife, passionately and rolled out of bed.  He walked into the bathroom and began getting ready for work.  Thirty minutes later, found the 40-year-old fire department Captain showered, dressed and sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast with his wife and enjoying the quietness.  “You know, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this house being this quiet in the morning.  Especially after all those years of Chris and Jenn yelling at each other,”  Joanne nodded knowingly, “I know what you mean.  It’s hard to believe that Chris and Jenn are both off to college now.”  Their oldest child Christopher was now 20 and attending UCLA as a pre-law major.  Jenn was now 18 and had just moved out last year after graduating from high school, and was in her first year of college at the University of California at San Diego studying to be a teacher.  With breakfast done, Roy kissed his wife good-bye, grabbed his bag and uniform, and headed off to start his 24-hour shift at station 45 where he was the A-shift Captain.  He wanted to get to work and try to call his best friend John Gage at station 51, their old stomping grounds, where he was their A-shift Captain.  Johnny had finally settled down just over two years ago with the woman of his dreams, Carrie, and they already had a beautiful 15 month old son JR (Jonathon Roy) with their second child due next month.  Johnny was so excited about becoming a father and Roy was happy his best friend was finally able to have the family he had dreamt about ever since he had known him.  After battling traffic for almost 20 minutes, Captain Roy DeSoto pulled into the parking lot of station 45 and went inside, arriving nearly 45 minutes early for his shift.  He walked into the kitchen for a quick cup of coffee, and greeted the C-shift personnel who were sitting around waiting for their A-shift replacements.  Rounds of “Hey, Cap” and “Morning Cap” greeted him.  “Morning gentlemen, is Captain Turner in his office?” Roy asked.  Captain William “Bill” Turner is the Captain of C-shift and had been assigned to 45 only one month before Roy.  Roy finished off his coffee before heading into the locker room where he changed into his uniform and then walked into the office he shared with Captain Turner, as well as Captain Jack Smith, the B-shift Captain.

“Morning Bill, how was your shift?”

“Let’s just say, I’ll be glad when 8:00 gets here and I can turn everything over to you”

“That good, huh? I take it the night was a little busy?”

“Busy isn’t the word for it Roy.  I sure hope for you and your crew’s sake, it calms down some.”

“Yeah, me too”

Roy then sat down in one of the chairs in front of the Captains desk and began thumbing through notices that had been sent down by headquarters that he was going to need to brief to his crew.  It wasn’t long before he could hear his crew begin to filter into the bay.  Roy was proud of his crew; they were a great group of guys and all got along good.  Roy stepped into the apparatus bay and noticed his two paramedics, Rick Saunders and Doug Thompson already at work inventorying the squad.  It wasn’t long before his engineer, Ted Martel walked by, heading to “his girl” and begin to clean her up.  Roy had to laugh at how eerily similar Ted was to a certain former engineer, now captain he used to work with back at 51.  They both thought of their engine as “their girl”.  Last, but certainly not least were his two firefighters, Bob Mullins and Joey O’Connell.  This crew was like family, not quite to the extent he and his former A-shift shift mates from 51 had become, but still, they’re were family and were always there for each other when support was needed.  Roy just didn’t know how soon he was going to need their support.

Their shift was a pretty quite for the most part.  The engine only had one call all morning, a dumpster fire; they were only out for 30 minutes.  The squad didn’t have a call all morning.  The guys sat down and had lunch in peace for a change.  It wasn’t until 2pm that they were toned out.

Station 45, Station 26, Station 51, structure fire, 2819 Industrial Blvd.  Captain DeSoto and his crew headed out after acknowledging dispatch.  The fire turned out to be a bad one and took over 4 hours to put out and another 2 for clean up.  Roy got to speak with Johnny for a minute when they were allowed a short break.  It was just after 8pm when station 45 returned to quarters.  No one felt like trying to cook, so they all pitched in and ordered a couple pizzas.  Luckily for all the crews involved in this call, the rest of the night was quite.

Roy and his crew woke up with the morning tones.  They all sleepily walked into the kitchen and Saunders, by virtue of being the first in the kitchen, started a fresh pot of coffee.  Before long, all had at least one cup down, as well as being showered and in uniform, just hoping they could be lucky enough to not be toned out before shift change.  Their prayers were answered.  Captain Smith and his crew made it in, safe and sound and A-shift was released.  Roy went into the Captains office to finish up on some paperwork he was to tired to work on last night.  While in the office, Joanne called and gave him a list of things to pick up at the store on his way home.  At the end of the phone call Roy told her he loved her and hung up.  Ten minutes later he was headed out and to the store and then on his way home.  Roy had thought he would remember everything Joanne had asked for, so he didn’t write them down. 

It was close to 10am when Roy pulled into his driveway.  “Honey, I’m home”, Roy called as he stepped through the door.

“Hi honey, how was your shift?” Joanne asked as she kissed her husband.

“Actually it was pretty slow for the most part.  Until we were called out at 2 yesterday and we were out for over 6 hours.  I’m just glad to finally be home.  Here are the things you asked for from the store” as he handed her the bags.

“Thanks honey” Joanne said as Roy kissed her back and said he was heading upstairs for a nap.  Roy hadn’t got 3 steps from his wife when she asked, “Roy, were they out of milk, or did you just forget?”

“Oh, damn!  Sorry Jo, I thought I would remember everything, I’ll go back and get it.,” he said as he grabbed his keys off the counter.  “No honey, that’s ok, I know you’re tired, I’ll go, you rest.”  She gave him a quick kiss and grabbed his keys, “I’ll be right back,” she yelled as she went out the door.  Roy went upstairs and changed out of his uniform and into some sweatpants and a t-shirt, and then climbed into the bed.  He was asleep before 2 minutes had passed.

He woke up to an irritating pounding noise.  It took Roy a few minutes to realize it was someone knocking at the front door.  As he climbed off the bed he glanced at the clock and noticed the time said 12:10 pm.  I wonder why Jo didn’t wake me up, and why isn’t she answering the door he wondered as the knocking continued.  Roy made he way downstairs, then looked through his front doors “peephole”.  What are Johnny and Hank doing here, and in uniform?  Roy opened the door with a smile “Hey guys, what’s up?”  His smile quickly faded as he noticed Johnny’s red-rimmed eyes that still had tears falling.  A feeling of dread came over Roy.  His first thought was it was something about one of his crew, but then he knew that although that would upset his best friend, he wouldn’t cry about it.  “Oh, god.  Joanne” Roy gasped.  Johnny and Hank barely had time to reach Roy as his knees started to buckle.  They were able to grab hold of his arms and half-carry, half-drag Roy to his couch.  After letting his friends console him for over half an hour, Roy finally had to ask, “What happened?”  Johnny was the one to answer, “We got a call for an MVA, just after 10:30 this morning” he began.  “Why were you working, B-shift is working today” Roy asked, his mind not wanting to comprehend what Johnny was trying to tell him.  “I was covering for the B-shift captain this morning.  As I was saying, we were called out to the MVA.  An oversized pickup had crossed the centerline and hit another car, Jo’s car, head on.  By the time we got there, both drivers were DOA.  I’m sorry Roy, I am so sorry!” Johnny sobbed as he held his friend trying to comfort him as well as himself.

Roy didn’t know how he was going to go on with life, let alone get through the next several days.  Everything was such a blur to Roy, but he did remember Johnny and Carrie always seeming to be there for him, they were such a big help to him as well as Chris and Jenn who were in just as much shock as their father.  After getting through the wake and funeral, Chris and Jenn pretty much put their lives on hold for the next two weeks to help their father deal with his grief, as well as dealing with their own grief.  But eventually they both had to leave and get back to their schools.  Roy still was on a leave of absence dealing with the loss of Joanne with Johnny checking on him several times a day either in person or by phone.  On the days Johnny had to work, Carrie would check on him usually by phone due to advancing waistline.  But a month after Jo’s death and with her due date only days away, Carrie stopped to check on Roy on her way to Rampart for her checkup.

“Hello Carrie, I guess you’re here to check up on me to make sure I’m still among the living, huh?” asked Roy as he opened his front door to find Carrie standing there.

“Well Roy, your friends are worried about you, especially Johnny.”

“They shouldn’t be.”

“Do you mind if I come in for moment, this baby is getting a little heavy?” Carrie said as she rubbed her hands over her stomach.

She would have missed it, it was so slight, but it was there, a small smile after her last comment about the baby.

“Sorry about that, sure come in and have a seat.”

Carrie walked in the house and sat on the couch.  Roy followed her and sat down on his chair.  They both sat there in silence for a few minutes before Carrie finally asked, “How are Chris and Jenn doing?”

“Fine, they’re getting on with their lives”

“Maybe you should follow their lead”

“Don’t Carrie, don’t start on me.  I’m just not ready”

“O.K Roy. I won’t pretend to know what you are going through, but I will tell you that Johnny and I miss you, all your friends do.  Your crew misses you.  It’s time you got some help to deal with this, to get through your grief and get on with your life.” Carrie said as she began to struggle to get off the couch and to her feet, heading for the door, “Just remember we loved Joanne too and we miss her, just like we love and miss you.”

Roy was incensed, how could anyone miss Jo like he does.  Roy jumped to his feet in anger and stormed at Carrie startling her so much she staggered back and with her extra weight unable to gain her balance, she fell to floor, hard.

“AAAGH” Carrie screamed.

Roy stood there stunned.  He couldn’t believe what just happened, what he just did. 

“Oh god, what did I do,” cried Roy as he fell to his knees next to Carrie, who was now laying on the floor trying to control her breathing.

“Roy, help, it’s really starting to hurt” cried Carrie as she tried to wrap her arms around her stomach.

Carrie’s cry to him for help snapped something in Roy.  He finally began to come back to his senses, realizing life is still continuing even though Jo was gone now.  Joanne, Roy thought.  What would Jo have said for the way he’s been acting?  Giving up on his family and friends, not to mention his crew.  What would she have said for what he’s done to Carrie?  Jo was so excited when Carrie told them she was pregnant again.  Jo was so hoping that Carrie and Johnny would have a girl for her to help spoil.

“Roy, please call Johnny” Carrie begged.

“Carrie, hold on, I’m calling for a squad right now.”

After getting a hold of dispatch and requesting a squad and ambulance, Roy heard Carrie scream again.  Roy put the phone back down and ran from the kitchen back into the living room

“Carrie, what’s wrong?”

“My water just broke and I feel like I want to push.”

“Don’t push yet Carrie, just don’t push.  I’m going to go call Johnny.”

“O.K, I’m not going anywhere,” she said with a small smile.  Carrie had to laugh to herself, this is the most active and animated she had seen Roy in nearly a month.

Meanwhile, at station 51, the phone rang.  “Station 51, Captain Gage speaking” Johnny said.

“Johnny, Carrie’s here and her water just broke.  I’ve already called for a squad and ambulance, you need to get here, NOW!”  before Johnny could respond, the tones went off.

“Squad 51 for Squad 36, woman in labor, 2740 Meadow Lane.

“I’ll be right there” Johnny said into the phone, then hung up, not sure if Roy had even heard him. 

Johnny ran out of his office and acknowledged the call “Squad 51, KMG-365”, and then handing the slip of paper to his senior paramedic, Charlie Ramon, he said, “I’m coming with, that’s my wife in labor.”  Charlie new better then to say anything to his boss, and told his partner Dale Elliott to slide over, “The Cap’s coming with,” he said.  As Johnny got in the squad, he yelled to his engineer to call Chief Stanley and tell him what’s going on.

As the three rode to Roy’s house, Johnny tried not to worry about his wife, knowing she was in good hands with Roy being with her.

Meanwhile, with Johnny and his paramedics were on their way, Roy hung up the phone and ran to the bathroom and grabbed several towels, then went back to Carrie where he had his hands full with her wanting to push.

“God, it hurts Roy, and the contractions are closer, I can tell”

“Don’t worry, I’m sticking with you until Johnny gets here, he’s on his way, by the way.”

Carrie smiled, then screamed out in pain, Roy checked on her and the baby, telling her, “Ok, Carrie, on the next contraction I want you to bear down and push.  This little one wants to meet its momma and it wants to do it right now.”

“No, I can’t have the baby without Johnny here.”

“I promise, he’s on his way, but this little one won’t wait, now you need to push.”

Carrie realized Roy was right and hoped Johnny would be here soon.

“Ohhhhh ….. boy!” Carrie yelled as she took a deep breath and pushed with all the strength she could.

“O.K, relax for a moment now Carrie.  O.K, now one more time and that should do it.”

“I ….. can’t!  I’m tired, I need Johnny here.”

As if on cue, Johnny and his paramedics came through the door and heard Carrie’s last words.

“I’m right here sweetheart”

“Johnny, thank god you’re here, I need you” Carrie cried.

Johnny looked at Roy and asked, “Thanks Roy, for taking care of my girl here.”

“It’s the least I could do” Roy said.  As he began to move out of the way for the paramedics to take over, Carrie grabbed his hand, “Please, Roy, you started this with me, help me through this and deliver my baby.  Roy was stunned to say the least.  After what he did, Carrie still wanted him to be a part of delivering this precious bundle of joy into this world.  He looked at Johnny who just grinned while saying, “What do you say partner, help me deliver our baby.”  Because he and Johnny were still certified paramedics even as Captains, Charlie and Dale moved out of the way to let Captain DeSoto continue.  Charlie had set down the biophone and was already contacting Rampart.  Dale kneeled next to Roy and began helping Carrie for the next contraction and one more push.

“Come on sweetheart, one more push and that’s it.”  Johnny said.  “You’ve been through this once already, I know you can do it, we’ve made it this far, don’t give up.

With those words of encouragement from her husband and knowing that her husband’s best friend, almost brother as Johnny calls him, was helping deliver this little miracle into the world, Carrie sat up with Johnny’s help and every bit of strength she could come up with, gave one last push.  She felt a sudden sense of relief and then heard the wail of a little set of lungs.

“It’s a girl.” Said Roy with a smile a mile wide.

With Dale’s help, Roy got the little angel cleaned off and wrapped in a towel and gently laid her in her father’s arms.

“Is she ok?”  Asked Carrie.

“She’s perfect,” answered Johnny and Roy together.

The ambulance arrived and Johnny held his daughter as Roy helped Charlie and Dale get Carrie packaged up and in the ambulance, followed by Johnny and his daughter.  Before the ambulance doors closed, Johnny looked at his best friend.  “I don’t know how to ever thank you for what you’ve done for my family today, Roy.” 

How could he be thanking me after what I did, thought Roy.  I’m going to have to tell him.  Not now though, he’s too happy.  “That’s what partners are for, partner,” Roy said with a smile.  “Now get going and get that little angel checked out, I’ll meet you at Rampart.”  With that, the ambulance doors were shut and Roy gave them the customary two slaps, and the ambulance was off to Rampart with its precious cargo.

An hour later found Carrie resting comfortably in her room at Rampart, while Johnny sat next to her bed and they were both staring at their little girl.  “Did you call Gabby about watching JR a little longer?” Carrie asked speaking of the wife of Johnny’s former shift mate, Marco Lopez.  Before heading to the hospital for her checkup and stopping at Roy’s to check on him, Carrie had stopped and dropped off JR at the Lopez’s.  It didn’t matter that the guys from the old A-shift from 51 were all in different stations doing different jobs, they were all still the best of friends and often shared baby sitting duties among their children and grandchildren in some cases.

“Yeah, she said no problem, she would keep him the night if we wanted.  Of course he wants to come up and see his little sister, so I told her I would be by this evening to pick him up and introduce him to his little sister.”

“Johnny, I decided what we should name her, I want to know what you think.”

“What did you come up with?"

“I would like to name her after Joanne, but I don’t want to name her Joanne, so I thought Annie Jo would be nice.”

“Oh honey, that would be perfect.”

A few minutes later, Roy walked into Carrie’s room with a small bouquet of flowers and a small teddy bear in his arms.

“I’m not disturbing you guys, am I?” Roy asked as he stepped into the room hesitantly.

Carrie and Johnny both smiled and responded, “No, not at all”

Roy walked further into the room and handed the flowers to Carrie, who thanked him, then laid them on the nightstand next to the bed.  “I’ll have to ask Dixie to get me a vase to put them in.”

As Roy moved next to Johnny and looked over his shoulder at his new “niece”, Johnny asked him, “Would you like to hold your godchild?”

“I would be honored to be her godfather, just as I am JR’s, and I would love to hold her.”

Johnny stood up and motioned for Roy to take a seat in the chair, which he did.  Johnny then gently handed his daughter to his partner’s arms.  “She’s such a little angel.” Roy said.  Roy held on to this little angel as tight as he could without hurting her.  Suddenly he felt the weight of the last month lift off him and he began to sob, still holding on to this little angel.  Carrie looked up at her husband who just stood there doing the only thing he could to comfort his friend, putting his arm around Roy’s shoulder and just let him shed all the tears he had been holding in for the last month.  Johnny had a feeling Roy never allowed himself to grieve for Jo’s death, and something about his daughter’s birth finally allowed him to.  Finally after a few minutes, Roy looked up at Johnny. 

“I’m sorry guys, I didn’t mean to lose it like that.” 

“Don’t worry about it partner, you apparently needed it.  You never let yourself grieve for Jo, did you?

“No, I guess not.  But something about seeing life begin again and being able to bring this little angel into the world, finally made me see what all of you have been telling me this last month.  I need to get on with my life, just like Jo would have wanted me to.”

“You’re right, she would want you to.  She knows you are never going to stop loving her or stop missing her, but she would want you to get on with your life, your career.”

“You’re right, she would.”

“Of course I’m right, I’m always right,” Johnny said with his trademark crooked grin.

After a few minutes, Roy thought the he should hand the little girl back to her parents and let them be alone, so when he began to try to hand her back to Johnny, he was a little surprised when Johnny told him, “No, you hold her a few more minutes.  Besides you haven’t heard what we decided to name her.”

Roy smiled and said, “I didn’t realize you had decided on a name yet.  I know you two weren’t seeing eye-to-eye on names last I heard.”

Carrie spoke at this point after looking at her husband, who nodded indicating for her to tell him.

“Roy, I would like for you to meet your godchild, Annie Jo Gage.”

Roy, who had stood up, suddenly had to sit back down.  “You…You named her after Jo?”

“Yes, we did.” Carrie said, then suddenly realizing this may be upsetting Roy, “You don’t mind do you?”  Roy sat there in silence for a few moments, and it began to worry both Johnny and Carrie.  “Roy, you don’t mind do you?” Carrie asked again.

“No…No, I don’t mind at all,” Roy said as he let the tears begin again.  “Matter-of-fact, it makes me proud, and I know Jo would have been proud too.”

The three of them sat there in silence while Roy continued to hold his godchild, his “little angel”.  That term of endearment ended up sticking with the two of them.  For the rest of her childhood, little Annie Jo Gage was always Roy’s “little angel”.  The little angel that got him to get his life back on track after the most devastating loss he had ever experienced.

BACK TO THE PRESENT 

Roy was brought out of his private reminiscing by the sounds of a funeral precession passing by in the cemetery.  He wiped his tears away and spent a few more minutes quietly talking to Jo.  “Well Jo, I guess I should get going.  Even after all these years, if I don’t show up at Johnny’s on time, he begins worry.  You would be surprised how our lives have changed.  He’s the one with a wife and two kids to worry about and I’m on my own.  Just like I used to worry if he didn’t show up at our place on time, now he worries.  God Jo, I miss you so much.  You should see your little namesake niece, Annie.  She’s a bundle of energy.  She’s so much like Johnny.  Carrie definitely has her hands full with JR and Annie both taking after Johnny so much, but they’re good kids, you would have loved them.  And spoiled them rotten I’m sure.  Well, like I said, I should get going, so Johnny doesn’t start to worry and send out the squad looking for me.  I Love You Jo, and I still miss you.  Until next time.” Roy said, as he kissed his hand then placed his hand on the headstone.  He then turned and walked back to his car.  After staring back at the gravesite for a few minutes, he started the engine and took off towards Johnny’s ranch. 

“Johnny, if you don’t quit pacing back and forth, we're going to have to have the floor replaced from the groove you’re putting in it,” Carrie chastised her husband.

“Sorry sweetheart, but he’s my best friend and I can’t help worrying about him, especially today.”

“I know honey, but Roy’s been dealing with Jo’s death for 5 years now, he’s doing ok, getting on with life, day-by-day.  He’s a grown man, if he needs to talk to you, he’ll let you know.”

“I know, to everyone else he’s a 46-year old fire department Captain, but to me, he’s the big brother I never had, and my best friend,” Johnny said as he put his arm around his wife.

Johnny still had his arm around Carrie when JR and Annie came running down the stairs.  “Is Uncle Roy here yet,” JR asked?

“First of all young man, we don’t run in this house, especially when you’re still coughing and getting over a cold.  Second, no Uncle Roy isn’t here yet, but he should be here anytime now” Johnny told his young son.

“Yes he is Daddy.  He’s getting out of his car right now.”  Annie informed her father as she was looking out the window Johnny had just spent time pacing in front of.

Johnny went to the door and opened it just as Roy was coming up the porch.

“Hey partner, how you doing?” Johnny asked as he and Roy shared a manly bear hug.

“Getting by.  I’ll be doing better when this day is over.”

Johnny opened the door and followed Roy into his house.  Roy greeted Carrie and gave her a hug.  Roy could feel both his pants legs being tugged; he looked down to find JR tugging on his left, and Annie tugging his right.  Roy tousled JR’s hair and bent down to give him a hug, being a whole 7-years old, JR didn’t mind the hugs, but felt he was to old be picked up by his favorite “uncle”.  “Hey sport, how you’ve been?”  “I’m doing great Uncle Roy, will you come riding horses with me and dad later?” 

“I don’t know, we’ll have to ask your dad about that.”  Roy said as he glanced over at Johnny who nodded.

Roy then turned to Annie who was waiting patiently for her Uncle Roy’s attention.  “And how is my little angel today?” Roy asked as he scooped up the Johnny’s little girl.  “I’m doing good now that you’re here Uncle Roy,” the little girl gasped out in-between giggles from the tickling Roy was giving her.  

Roy set Annie back down on the floor, after the children were told to go and wash up for lunch while Carrie finished getting lunch ready.  Meanwhile Roy joined Johnny on the couch and took the offered beer.

They had been sitting there only a few minutes watching television and going through small talk when Johnny heard another car pull up.  He got up to see who it was, and smiled when he saw it was his wife’s friend and co-worker, Tracey.  Johnny held the door open while Tracey came in, swiping a kiss on Johnny’s cheek, “Hi there Johnny” Tracey greeted him with a smile on her face, “Is your better half around?”  “Hi Tracey, yeah, Carrie’s in the kitchen working on lunch.”  Before Johnny had a chance to go get his wife to tell her Tracey was here, he noticed Roy staring at the latest arrival. 

“God she is so incredibly beautiful”, Roy thought.

“Before I get Carrie, let me introduce you to my best friend and former paramedic partner, Roy DeSoto.  Roy, this is Tracey London.  She works with Carrie.”  After Johnny gave the introductions, he left to get his wife.

Roy got up from the couch and held out his hand, “Like he said, I’m Roy.”  Real smooth DeSoto, you sound like bumbling teenager.

Tracey laughed and held out her hand, “Like he said, I’m Tracey.”  Roy laughed at her playfulness, relaxing some.

“So you work with Carrie, I take it you’re a teacher.”

“Sure am, we both teach First Grade at Adams elementary, I have the classroom across the hall from her.”

“I’ve always told Carrie, she must have nerves of steel to deal with such young kids all day,” said Roy.

“Oh, it’s not that bad.  Most of the kids are really good kids and listen pretty well.  Others, well, they definitely test anybody’s nerves.

As Roy and Tracey continued their conversation, Johnny walked into the kitchen, “Hey honey, Tracey just came over, and she’s in there talking with Roy.”

“Well you get to finish getting lunch ready for our guests then, while I go talk to Tracey.” Carrie said as she left the kitchen to talk to Tracey, pausing long enough to kiss Johnny.

Carrie walked in to find Roy and Tracey sharing a laugh at something they were talking about.  “Tracey, what brings you all the way out here on a Saturday?”

“Well, because you were lounging around here the last two days instead of working, I thought I would bring you some notes that came up from the staff meeting Thursday.”

“Oh, I had forgotten about that.  Anything important?”

“Nothing earth-shattering, but I thought you would want to know what’s going on when get back next week.”

“Well, thanks,” Carrie said as she took the paperwork from Tracey.  “So what has you so dressed up on a Saturday?”

Roy had noticed how Tracey was dressed also.  God, she looked perfect.  She had on a denim skirt that came to just above her knees, a short-sleeve, light blue-button shirt and about 2 inch pumps at the end of her slim, muscular legs.  His eyes stared at her legs, they looked great, she obviously kept her legs in shape.  Hell, from where Roy stood, her whole body looked in great shape.  

Roy couldn't believe how beautiful she was.  He couldn't help but stare.  As he tried to hide his obvious attraction to this gorgeous creature, JR and Annie came running down the stairs.  "Tracey, Tracey" they both called out, as Annie ran and leaped into Tracey's arms.  

"Hey there, how's my little Angel doing?"  

"Angel?" thought Roy.  She calls Annie her little Angel just like I do.  As Tracey was tickling Annie, JR tugged on her arm.  "Hey there sport, how are you feeling?" 

"I'm feeling a lot better.  Daddy says I can go to school next week."  JR loved school, mainly because he always got to go with his mom and see his mom and Tracey everyday. 

"That's great JR, I'm sure your teacher can't wait to have you back.  I know I can't wait to start seeing your smiling face in the halls again." 

"I can't wait to get back, cause if I'm in school, I can go to recess too," he said as he grabbed hold of her hand. 

"Are you staying for lunch like Uncle Roy, Tracey" Annie asked as she grabbed Tracey's other hand. 

"I wish I could Annie, but I just dropped by to give your mommy some stuff from work." 

"Where you off to in such a hurry that you can't stay for lunch?" Carrie asked. 

"Ryan Johnson's", Tracey answered.  Damn!  She has a boyfriend.  Roy felt a sense of jealousy that he just didn't understand, he hardly even knows her. 

"Oh, how is Ryan doing?  I take it he won't be back to school before the end of the year?" 

"No, he still has the braces on both leg's and still going through physical therapy, but he has definitely improved over this last month.  His parents decided to keep him home the rest of the school year and just have him tutored.  I can't say I blame them with everything he's gone through, so I volunteered to help with the tutoring."  Carrie shook her head.  She knew how hard Tracey took the news when they were told about Ryan, one of Tracey's student's.  He was walking home from school about two months ago and a drunk driver hit him from behind.  His injuries were so severe; no one believed he would survive.  But survive he did, thanks to the wonderful doctors at Rampart and the love and encouragement of his parents and friends, including his favorite teacher, Tracey.  "Anyway, his PT appointment had to be rescheduled Thursday, so it cut into our tutoring time, so I'm making it up with him today.  Well, guys, I guess I should get going." 

"But Tacey, can't you stay for lunch," Annie asked again. 

"No honey, I can't.  But I'll tell you what, how about I come over and take you two little munchkins off your mom and dad's hands tomorrow and we go on a picnic, just you JR and me.  If your mom and dad will let us ride the horses that is." 

Johnny, who had come out of the kitchen and stood next to Carrie by now, nodded his head and said, "I don't see a problem with it, and I trust you on the horses with the kids.  I'll make sure to have the horses ready for you, say about noon?" 

"Noon sounds great to me", Tracey said.  Before Tracey could turn around to leave, Annie, who was still holding her hand, looked at her beloved Uncle Roy and asked, "Can Uncle Roy come to our pinic tomorrow?" 

Tracey immediately felt a tingling sensation run through her at the mention of Roy's name.  What the hell is going on with you, Tracey thought to herself, you hardly know him.  "Well Angel, that would be up to your Uncle Roy," she said with a smile that reached all the way to her eyes, "But I sure wouldn't mind the company." 

Annie and JR both looked at Roy with their sad puppy dog looks, "Please, Uncle Roy, will you come to our picnic and horse riding with us tomorrow?"  JR begged. 

Looking at Tracey, and with the biggest grin Johnny could remember seeing on Roy's face in the past five years, Roy responded, "Sure, I'd like that very much." 

"YEAH!", both JR and Annie yelled. 

"Guys I really need to get going if I'm going to get to Ryan's on time", Tracey said as she turned to leave.  "I'll see you guys tomorrow," she said to Carrie and Johnny.  Before reaching the door, Tracey turned and look into the most beautiful set of blue eyes she could ever remember seeing and said, "It was great to finally meet you Roy, I'll guess I'll see you tomorrow."  Tracey then walked out to her fire engine red Jeep and climbed in.  She couldn't remember the last time she felt this happy about meeting someone.  She hadn't felt this way about any guy since Scott, and that's been three years.  The thought of Scott brought a moment of sadness to her, but one thought of Roy again and Tracey kept the smile on her face, not just the entire way to Ryan's house, but throughout the rest of the day and into the evening. 

By the time Roy pulled back into his drive, he couldn't remember much of the day, not since Tracey left anyway; she was all he could think about.  As Roy walked into the house he shared for 20 years with Joanne, the only love of his life, he began to feel guilty.  Guilty for even thinking of having any feelings for another woman, especially one who was so much younger.  Younger!  He wasn't sure how much younger, but she looked like she couldn't have been over 30, what would she see in an over-the-hill, 45-year old, mostly grey haired old-man anyway.  Roy decided he was just lonely and couldn't really be having feelings for this beautiful young woman anyway.  Roy decided to call it an early night and shortly after watching the early news, he headed for his cold lonely bed.  Once he got in bed, he laid there looking at the side of the bed that had been occupied for so many years by Joanne.  "God Jo, I miss you so much.  But I met this young lady today, and she caused feelings in me that I thought I would never feel about any woman ever again."  Roy lied there and let the tears slowly fall and lead him to sleep.  Tears for missing the love of his life, tears of guilt for having feelings for another woman, tears for feeling that woman wouldn't want anything to do with an old man like him. 

"Tacey's here, Tacey's here", yelled Annie as she excitedly jumped up and down on the porch. 

"Okay, okay, calm down Annie, and it's Tracey, not Tacey" Johnny said as he tried to calm down his very excited young daughter.  As Johnny walked down the porch steps to greet Tracey, he noticed Roy's car coming down the road. 

Tracey saw Johnny's gaze down the road and seeing Roy's car approaching, that strange tingling feeling started to come back. 

Roy turned down the lane towards Johnny and Carrie's house, noticing the red Jeep already parked by the house.  "Oh god, she's here already", thought Roy.  The feelings started in him again, only this time the guilt didn't seem as strong.  Maybe it had something with the dream he had last night, he wondered.  The dream where Joanne came to him and told him it was time for him to keep living and don't give up on love.  She also told him if Tracey were a friend of Johnny and Carrie's, she would have been a friend of Jo's too.  That seemed to lessen the guilt for Roy, knowing that if Joanne had met Tracey, they would have liked each other and got along as friends.  Roy's mind came back to the present as he pulled up behind the Jeep.  As he got out, he couldn't help but look at Tracey.  She looked just as beautiful in her faded jeans and plaid shirt as she did yesterday in her skirt and blouse.  Her hair was pulled back into a braid and still hung several inches past her shoulders.  That hair, it looked so soft, the thought of running his hands through her hair, made the feelings inside Roy begin to feel stronger.  "Hey there junior" Roy called out as he walked up to Tracey, who was still standing by her jeep doing a little gawking herself. 

“Hey Pally” Johnny answered back, then looking between Roy and Tracey, he asked “Are you two sure you are ready for this?”  

“Junior, I think you’re forgetting, I did raise 2 kids.” 

“Yeah, but Roy, Chris and Jenn are 25 and 23, not exactly current experience for you to deal with a 6 and 4 year-old.” 

“Oh, like you had all the experience when you watched them.” 

“Yeah, but I was younger and knew I could keep up with them” Johnny grinned. 

“I’m not that old junior,” Roy reminded him. 

"Johnny, Johnny, Johnny" Tracey said with a grin, "You forget, Roy and you are both Fire Department Captains, just like Carrie and I are both first grade teachers, so why would you think we couldn't handle your two little munchkins?"  Tracey asked as she stood next to Roy. 

"Okay, I give" Johnny laughed. 

Just as the three adults turned to head to the house, JR and Annie couldn't hold back anymore and ran towards the two most important people to them, other then their parents of course.  Annie ran right to her Uncle Roy who promptly scooped her up and swung her around as he tickled her.  "Stop it Uncle Roy that tickles" Annie said as she squirmed in Roy's arms. 

"I know angel, that's the fun of it" Roy laughed as he set her back down and took her small hand in his. 

As Annie had ran to Roy, JR ran to Tracey.  Truth be told, Johnny and Carrie suspected their 6-year-old son had a slight crush on Carrie's friend.  JR ran to Tracey, who scooped him up just as Roy did to Annie, only she didn't swing him around as quickly.  "Hey there sport, are you ready to go on this picnic?" 

"I sure am.  I've been helping my dad get the horses ready.  I even helped mom to get the picnic stuff for us." 

"Well that's great JR" Just as Roy had let down Annie and held her hand; Tracey let down JR and held his hand.  Both children were grinning ear to ear in anticipation of the fun they just knew they were going to have on the picnic. 

Thirty minutes later found the group out by the barn.  Tracey and JR were on one horse while Roy and Annie were on another.  Tracey was also holding on to the picnic basket.  After ensuring the group was safely on their way, Johnny went back to the house where he and Carrie planned on a very quiet, very private afternoon.  They loved their children more then anything, but after Tracey made the offer to take the kids for the afternoon, they have both been looking forward to this time alone. 

Meanwhile, Roy and Tracey guided the horses down a trail Roy had taken with Johnny before, one he felt comfortable with, especially with the children along.  The group kept a steady stream of small talk, sometimes, Roy and Tracey would actually get a word in edge wise. 

After about 45 minutes, the group stopped in a clearing near a small lake.  Once everyone was off the horses, Roy and JR led them to an area where they tied them off, while Tracey and Annie laid out the blanket and basket for their picnic. 

As soon as JR saw the food, he said, "I'm starving." 

Roy had to chuckle, JR not only looked exactly like Johnny; he acted and sounded like him too.  "Well, let's sit and eat then", Roy said.  With that the four sat down as Tracey began to pull the food from the basket.  JR immediately sat down next to Tracey, while Annie affixed herself next to Roy, this left Roy and Tracey to sit next to each other, closely. 

After their lunch of sandwiches was gone, the kids decided to go down to the lake and play, with Roy and Tracey keeping a close eye on them.  Roy picked up the blanket and carried it closer to the lake and placed it on the ground.  He motioned to the blanket as he asked Tracey, "Would you like a seat"? 

"Thanks", she said as she sat down, Roy then sat down next to her. 

"So how long have you and Carrie worked together?" 

"Almost two years now, although this is my first year as a full-time teacher at Adams.  Last year I did a lot of substituting while waiting for a permanent position to open up.  Luckily one came open at Adams." 

"Where did you teach before?" 

"When I first came to LA, it was the middle of the school year, so I mainly just did a lot of fill-in work.  The following year, which was 4 years ago, I was offered a job at an inner-city school near east LA.  I was desperate for a job, so I took it.  The First year wasn't bad, I guess because it was all so new to me.  But I don't know how I managed to survive two years there.  Those were the scariest years of my life.  After watching a student attack another student just for just being alive, and the school doing nothing about it, I had to get out of there, for my own safety, you know?" 

"I don't blame you.  I'm glad you did" Roy said with a smile, "I don't know if I would have been able to survive one year." 

"Well, lucky for me I had managed to save enough, and with a little help from Eddy, I was able to afford to spend the next school year, last school year, subbing around the district, figuring out what schools I would want to apply to if an opportunity came open.  That's how I met Carrie, I subbed for several of the teachers at Adams throughout the year, and when I subbed for one of the first grade teachers, we became friends.  She's the one who told me the teacher I had subbed for was retiring at the end of the last school year, so I was able to apply, the rest as they say is history," Tracey said with a smile. 

Roy couldn't help but smile along with her.  Her smile was so bright and beautiful, it was caching as they say.  "Sounds like you really lucked out meeting and becoming friends with Carrie" 

"You sound like Eddy.  He was so worried after what I told him about the first school I worked at, he was ecstatic when I told him about the job at Adams." 

"If you don't mind me asking, who's Eddy?" 

"Oh, sorry, no I don't mind you asking" Tracey smiled.  No, I don't mind you asking me anything  "Eddy's my brother.  My very protective older brother."   

Roy and Tracey continued with the small talk all while keeping a watchful eye on JR and Annie.  They found out that despite their differences, they actually had a lot in common, especially their love of baseball, particularly the Dodgers.  Roy avoided bringing up their difference in age, afraid it would bring an end to the wonderful time he was having with Tracey. 

As Roy and Tracey were discussing the Dodgers latest game, JR and Annie came running up to them, asking them to come down to the lake with them.  As Roy got up, he held a hand out to help Tracey on to her feet, a hand she readily accepted and didn't let go of right away.  When Roy realized this, he looked at her and grinned, but before he could say anything, Annie grabbed his hand and headed for the lake, talking a mile a minute the whole way.  JR grabbed Tracey's hand and they too were heading for the lake.  As Roy walked with Annie, he glanced at his watch and realized it was almost 4:30; he had been out here with Tracey and the kids for almost four hours, four wonderful hours. 

As they got to the edge of the lake, Tracey began chasing JR and Annie around, while Roy would catch them and act like he was going to throw them into the lake.  This went on for a short time, until one of the times Tracey was chasing JR, she stumbled near the edge of a small ravine and fell over the edge.  JR screamed when he turned and saw Tracey disappear over the edge. 

Roy, who was holding Annie, was startled by JR's scream.  He ran over to the crying boy and asked, "JR, what's wrong, where's Tracey?" 

"She fell over the edge," he managed to get out through the tears. 

Roy told JR to hold Annie's hand and step back.  Roy hesitantly looked over the edge, afraid of what he would find.  What he found actually surprised him.  There, about 10 feet down was Tracey, sitting up but obviously holding her left arm protectively.  "You okay" Roy yelled. 

Tracey looked up and smiled, "Yeah, physically, except my arm hurts a little.  But my pride is a little damaged with embarrassment right now"

Roy laughed, "Don't move, I'm coming down to help you." 

"Watch out for that first step, it's a big one" 

"Well you must be okay if you can joke around" 

"Is JR okay?" 

"Yeah, he's fine, a little scared though after watching you take a fall like that."  Roy turned to JR and Annie, and told them to stay where they were, then he carefully worked himself down to Tracey, bending down next to her to check her arm.  "Well, you sure scraped it up a bit, but it doesn't look broken." 

"That's good, I've never broken a bone before, sure didn't want to start now." 

"Well, let's get you up and back to the house and we can get you fixed up."  Roy carefully helped Tracey on to her feet and up the little ravine. 

Two scared children immediately engulfed her.  JR was still crying when Tracey kneeled down and gave him a hug, "Hey there sport, don't cry, I'm ok.  Uncle Roy here even said it wasn't broken." 

"Okay" JR squeaked out. 

Tracey walked hand and hand with JR back to the horses while Annie held Roy's hand.  Roy helped JR and Tracey on to their horse before helping Annie on to theirs.  Roy thought about the feeling he felt through his body when he got to put his arms around Tracey while helping her on to the horse.  He couldn't help but notice the smile she had while he was doing so.  The horses seemed to have traveled back to the ranch quicker then the trip from the barn. 

Johnny and Carrie were on the porch relaxing when they noticed the horses coming across the pasture and towards the barn.  They both got up and headed towards the barn to help take care of the animals. 

As the horses drew closer, the paramedic in Johnny recognized how Tracey was guarding her left arm protectively.  "I wonder what's wrong with Tracey.  She looks like she's holding her arm." 

As the horses came to a stop, Johnny went to help his son and Tracey, while Carrie walked up to Annie and Roy.  Johnny saw the scraps and bruising on Tracey's arm and asked, "What the heck happened to you?" 

"Oh, nothing much, just took a little tumble and scraped up my arm." 

When Johnny reached up to help his son off the horse, he was surprised when JR reached his arms around his neck and started crying,

"I'm sorry daddy, I didn't mean to."  

Looking up at Tracey he asked, "What is he talking about?" 

By this time, Roy had got off his horse and seeing Johnny busy with JR, had walked over to help Tracey off hers.  Besides, he thought, I'll get to put my arms around her again!  Upon hearing Johnny's question and seeing JR to upset to answer, he said, "We were running around by the lake.  Tracey was chasing the kids and I was scooping them up pretending to throw them in the lake, while Tracey was chasing JR, she got a little close to that small ravine near the lake and fell into it.  JR thinks it's his fault Tracey fell and hurt her arm." 

"But we keep telling him it wasn't his fault, I was just clumsy.  He keeps blaming himself though," Tracey added.  

After the horses were taken care of and put up for the evening, everyone was sitting on the porch.  Roy and Johnny both helped Tracey get the scraps cleaned and taken care of, but they both insisted she should go to Rampart and get the arm and wrist x-rayed just to make sure she didn't break anything. 

After continuing with some small talk, Roy noticed Tracey grimace in pain.  "The arm starting to bother you?" 

"Yeah, I guess it is.  Looks like it's starting to swell some around the wrist too." 

"Come on, I'll take you to Rampart.  You need that arm x-rayed and you shouldn't be driving," Roy said as he stood up. 

Seeing the looks of concern on the faces of Johnny, Carrie and especially Roy (this fact brought a smile to her face), Tracey got up as she said, "I guess you're right."  As she passed Roy, heading for his car, she stopped, looked up at him grinning as she said, "Well, come on Cap, I don't want to be at the hospital all night with the Dodgers playing on TV." 

Roy laughed at the nickname Tracey was calling him.  She had done it a couple times during the picnic and he was actually enjoying the affection. 

Tracey kneeled on the steps next to JR and Annie who were both just sitting there listening to the adults.  She gave Annie a hug and kiss, which Annie returned before heading to Roy.  Tracey sat down next to JR and placed her good arm around JR.  "You know it's not your fault, right?" 

"I guess." 

"Don't guess JR, because it's not your fault.  I tripped over my own two feet and unfortunately I was to close to the edge, so I fell." 

"So you're not mad at me?" JR asked? 

"No sport, I could never be mad at you," Tracey said as she gave him a tight squeeze.  JR turned and returned the hug.  Tracey started to get up when Roy who was standing in front of her now, put his hand out to help her.  Once again, Tracey readily accepted the offered hand, with a smile of course.  The two headed towards Roy's car, but not before turning and waving at the Gage family.  Roy went to open the door when he realized, he was still holding Tracey's hand, that tingling sensation started again.  Still holding her hand, he looked at Tracey who wore a smile that went all the way to her eyes.  Maybe, Nah!  But she's not trying to let go of my hand!  With the door open, Tracey got into the car.  Roy shut the door and went and got in the driver side and headed to Rampart. 

After Roy parked in the emergency area parking lot of Rampart, he got out and opened the car door for Tracey. 

He's such a gentlemen, she thought. 

Roy held his hand out to help Tracey out of the car, which she gladly accepted.  He wanted to continue holding hands, but knew he should help guide her into the emergency room.  So he placed his hand gently on her back and kept it there while walking towards the hospital doors. 

Once inside the familiar surroundings, Roy noticed Dixie sitting at the nurse’s station and headed that way.  Dixie was busy going over paperwork, when she noticed a couple coming down the hallway towards her she couldn’t help but smile.  “Well, Captain DeSoto, just what are you doing here?” 

“Hey there Dix.  I just thought you and the Doc’s might be a little bored tonight, so I brought you a customer.” Roy said as he pointed at Tracey. 

“Tracey, what are you doing here?  What’s wrong with your arm?” Dixie asked. 

“Hello, Miss McCall, nice to see you again, although I wish it wasn’t here in the hospital,” Tracey laughed. 

“Well, nice to see you again too, and please, it’s Dixie.  So what did you do?” Dixie asked as she led Tracey and Roy to a treatment room. 

“Well, long story short, I took a tumble down a small ravine out at Johnny and Carrie’s ranch.  It didn’t hurt much at first, but Cap here persuaded me to come in and get it checked out.  It’s really getting painful now.” 

As Roy helped Tracey on to the exam table, Dixie couldn’t help but notice the concern on his face.  “So Roy you were out there too?” 

“Yeah, Tracey and I took JR and Annie out on a ride with the horses and a picnic.  It was during our little adventure, Tracey here decided to suddenly do some exploring on her own.” 

“Hey now” Tracey exclaimed as she swatted Roy’s arm, “It’s not like I did this on purpose mister.” She said with a smile. 

Just then Doctor Brackett entered the room and was slightly surprised to find a familiar face in the room, “Well hello Roy, haven’t seen you around these places since that member of your crew was injured a few months ago, what’s up?” 

“Not much Doc, just need you to look at Tracey’s arm and wrist here after she took a tumble out at Johnny’s place.  I don’t think she broke anything though.” 

Over the next hour Bracket examined Tracey’s wrist and arm and although he didn’t believe anything was broken, he ordered X-rays as a precaution.  When the x-rays did come back to confirm he suspicions of the injury just being a bad sprain, he worked on splinting Tracey’s wrist and arm with a removable type soft cast that was basically just a hard splint. 

As he finished up, Brackett gave Tracey some instructions before leaving, “Now Tracey, make sure you keep this elevated and take the pain medication I’m prescribing as needed.  Also, take it easy the next few days.  And I wouldn’t suggest driving for a few days with that on your arm and with the pain meds.” 

“No problems Doc, I’ve got the vacation days and shouldn’t have any problems getting the days off from work.  As for the driving, Cap here is my chauffer tonight, and I’ll just be a bum in my apartment the next few days.” Tracey said. 

Roy instantly added, “I’m off tomorrow, so I can drive you wherever you need to go.” 

Tracey blushed at that idea, “I’d like that, thank you.” 

Feeling like he was intruding on something private, Brackett said, “Well, that’s it for me.  Come back in a few days if it starts bothering you,” then he left. 

Roy helped Tracey off the exam table and after picking up her pain meds, they left the hospital. 

Tracey directed Roy to her apartment, and after pulling in to her assigned parking space, he got out and went to the passenger door to help Tracey out of the car, once again being the gentlemen and offering her his hand, only this time neither of them made a move to let go.  Roy couldn’t remember feeling this happy in nearly five years.  But there was a battle raging inside of him.  Part of him felt the happy, tingling feeling just being around Tracey, the other part told him he was too old for her, nearly 15 years too old.  But she knows the age difference, and she’s not letting go of my hand.  Maybe it doesn’t bother her.  Roy was so lost in his thoughts, he was startled a bit when he realized they had quit walking and were standing in front of a door. 

“We’re here,” said Tracey.  She reluctantly let go of Roy’s hand and began searching her backpack for her keys.  Finally finding them she started opening her door.  Before she stepped through, she turned to Roy and asked, “Would you like to come in?  After all the Dodgers will be on in a few minutes, we could watch the came together.” 

“Sure, I would like that.”  A part of him felt he shouldn’t, but they’re both adults, if she didn’t want him here, she wouldn’t have asked him in.  

After turning on the lights, Tracey went into her living room and found the remote, turning on the television looking for the game.  After finally finding the correct channel, she turned to Roy, “Would you like anything to drink?  I have tea, juice and water of course,” she said smiling. 

“Sure, I’ll have some tea.”  Then realizing she shouldn’t be handling both glasses, Roy followed her into the kitchen.  “Here, let me help you with that.” 

After getting their drinks and sitting on the couch, Tracey got up and told Roy she was going to go take a quick shower and get the horse and hospital smell off her. 

Once Tracey left the room, Roy let out a groan just imagining her in the shower.  He shifted a bit uncomfortably and decided to concentrate on the game as it was beginning. 

It wasn’t long before Tracey joined him wearing a figure-flattering outfit of a pair of sweat pants and a dodger t-shirt, smelling and looking more beautiful then she already did.  If that’s even possible, he thought.  She had her hair pulled back into a single ponytail, showing off the length as being near the middle of her back.  Her hair look so soft, Roy just wanted to run his hands through it. 

Tracey had just sat down and took a sip of her tea when the phone rang; Roy being closer to it answered it for Tracey.  “Hello?” 

“Hello, who is this?” 

“This is Roy, who is this?” 

“This is Eddy, is Tracey there?” 

“Sure,” Roy said, remembering this was probably Tracey’s brother Eddy, and he handed Tracey the phone. 

“Hey there big brother,” Tracey said, “How the heck are things in Texas?” 

“They’re fine, now how about you tell me what happened to you today and who this Roy fella is that answered the phone?” 

“Okay, one question at a time.  I should’ve known you would feel this when it happened.  I was out at Carrie’s ranch and had a little tumble down a ravine.  Roy took me to the hospital and it’s nothing but a bad sprain of the wrist.  It’ll keep me off of work for a few days anyway, but then I was ready for a break.”

“Okay, that explains the injury, now who is this Roy fella, and why haven’t I heard of him before?” 

“Well,” Tracey began, looking nervously at Roy, “We just met two days ago, and he has been a gentlemen since.  He was with me when I fell and like I said, he took me to the hospital after he treated me at ravine.” 

“Treated you?  How?” 

“Yes, treated me.  He’s a paramedic with the fire department, matter-of-fact, he’s a station captain,” Tracey said as she looked back at Roy and smiled. 

Roy smiled back, knowing Tracey was having to explain to her brother what happened and who he was.  His only hope was that Eddy wouldn’t ask his age, thinking the protective older brother in him would disapprove.  “Listen Eddy, everything’s fine, trust me.” 

“I know, but I can’t help but worry about my little sister.” 

“And I appreciate that, really, but I’m fine, a little sore, but fine.” 

“Okay, I trust you.  Now let me talk to Roy.” 

“Alright, but you better be nice,” Tracey said as she handed Roy the phone, “He wants to talk to you.” 

“ME!” Roy exclaimed, “Why?” 

“Because, like I said, he’s a very protective older brother.  Don’t worry, he doesn’t bite, at least not over the phone,” Tracey teased with a smile. 

Roy nervously took the phone from Tracey, feeling like a teenager meeting his girlfriends parents for the first time, “Hello” 

“So, Roy, Tracey tells me you’re a captain with the fire department.  That’s good, at least I know she’s not dating some bum.  Listen, I’ll save most of the questions I have until the day whenever we meet, but I will tell you one thing, You better be good to my sister or we will be meeting a lot sooner then you might think.  Got it?” 

Trying to lighten the mood, but make Eddy realize he understood where he was coming from, Roy responded with, “I understand.  Tracey wasn’t kidding when she described you as her very protective older brother.” 

Both men talked for a few more minutes before Roy hung up. 

Tracey, who had got up get a snack, sat back down on the couch, “So, how was your first ‘interview’ with Eddy?”  Roy laughed,

“You’re right, he can’t bite over the phone, but he sure tries.  Really, he wasn’t bad, he just obviously really cares for his little sister.  I do have one question, how did he know you were injured?” 

Tracey laughed as she made herself comfortable on the couch, then facing Roy with a bit of sadness she began, “When we were growing up, we were pretty much all each other had so we looked out for each other.  Mostly Eddy looking out for me, but we seemed to have developed this sense of feeling when the other is hurt or in trouble, kinda like what I’ve read happens between twins.” 

Roy could hear the sadness in her voice and the slight hitch as she spoke, leaned over and put his hands over Tracey’s.  “If it’s hard to talk about, you don’t have to,” Roy said softly. 

"No, actually, it's kind of nice to be able to talk to someone about it.  I've talked to Carrie about some of it, but..."  Tracey held on to Roy's hand and asked, "Are you sure you want to here this?" 

Roy took one of his hands and caressed Tracey's cheek, "Only if you're ready to tell it."  Tracey's hand went to the hand caressing her cheek and held it there for a moment, this feeling felt so right to her, all thoughts of watching the game were lost.  Holding Roy's hands, she leaned back and began, "I guess you could say most of my early childhood wasn't to bad.  Eddy was almost three when I was born, but I never remember him ever being a mean brother, always thoughtful and caring, always looking out for me.  I guess most of that can be attributed to our mother, we were her life.  Things were pretty good, so while Dad concentrated on the ranch, mom was able to concentrate on us kids." 

"Ranch?" Roy asked. 

"Yeah," Tracey laughed, "I actually grew up on a small ranch, small for Texas anyway, just north of Abilene.  Like I said, things were pretty good, at least until just after I turned ten."  Seeing Tracey try to hold back the tears and hearing the catch in her voice, he instinctively put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to comfort her.  After a few moments, she sat up and with Roy's arm still comfortingly around her shoulders, continued, "Mom had taken Eddy and I out shopping for school clothes already, but she wanted to go to the local department store because they had a sale going on.  Even as well as the ranch was doing and the money keeping us pretty well, Mom wasn't exactly free with the money.  I guess it came from the upbringing she had, she wouldn't hesitate to take advantage of a good sale," Tracey half-smiled.  "But on this day, Eddy was sick, and as his self-appointed nurse, I stayed home to take care of him, so mom went by herself."  By now Tracey couldn't hold the tears and Roy pulled her into another hug.  After several minutes and with her head resting on his shoulders, she continued, "Mom said she would be back by lunch, and she was always back when she said she would be.  So when it came to lunchtime and she wasn't back yet, I was worried.  When it came to be a couple hours later, I was scared, but before I could track down my father, the sheriff's car pulled up.  Everything after that and for the next few days were one big blur, but I remember hearing something about hit-and-run, no witnesses, nothing could be done.  Then I heard the sheriff say my mom was gone."  Tracey looked up through tear-filled eyes and into the most beautiful set of blue eyes, eyes full of concern, worry and most of ready to comfort. 

"God Tracey that must have been awful for you and Eddy to go through at that age."  Roy thought back to his own children and when Joanne died.  Thank God if I had to lose Jo, the kids were at least older when it happened. 

"It was bad enough losing mom, but dad wasn't exactly the rock of support for us either.  It was actually the months after mom's death that brought Eddy and I closer then most brother and sister's ever become.  I guess dad was dealing with the grief in his own way, but it didn't involve helping us any, so we just learned to help each other.  Apparently dad was to busy with his new girlfriend, Renee, to worry about his kids." 

"Girlfriend?" Roy asked shocked, "Your dad had a girlfriend already?" 

"Had a girlfriend, she's his wife now, has been for over eighteen years." 

"Eighteen years?  That means..." 

"Yeah, they got married shortly after mom died, four months to be exact." 

"Wow, that must have been pretty tough on you and Eddy," Roy said, still in shock. 

"It was tough, but we really became closer after that, we kinda had to with mom gone and basically loosing dad too after he remarried, not that he had been there much for us before, even when mom was still alive.  It was bad enough to us that dad remarried, but what made it worse was Renee insisting on getting rid of just about every memory of mom that existed in our house.  Everything was redecorated, including Eddy and my bedrooms because 'our mother picked the colors' and Renee couldn't handle that.  She even fired the entire staff because mom hired them and she was worried they wouldn't be 'loyal' to her.  Basically, she got rid of anything that even gave a hint that mom ever existed, let alone lived in the house.  Lucky for us, Renee was stock piling all of the old family albums and anything that was mom's, in the attic before getting rid of them.  So one day when she was out of the house, Eddy and I found the key and let ourselves in.  One of mom's friends who was a maid that was fired by Renee, came by with her husband's pickup and we packed it as full as we could with our mother's stuff.  They were only gone a few minutes when Renee came back, and boy was she livid when she found out what we had done," Tracey said with a hint of a smile. 

"I take it she wasn't happy?  Did she ever find out what happened?" Roy asked. 

"No, she wasn't happy, but it was worth it to me and Eddy.  I don't think she ever found out for sure, but probably suspected where the stuff went.  Anyway, eventually Renee left us alone, as long we left her alone, which we didn't have a problem with.  Eventually Eddy and I both grew up, went to college and started our own lives.” 

Roy's heart was breaking for her, for the childhood she and Eddy weren't able to enjoy.  I have to remember to call Chris and Jenn later, tell them how much I love them. 

Tracey had become so quiet, Roy was beginning to wonder if she had fallen asleep, when she started to lift her head off his shoulder and sit up again.  "Sorry about that," she said softly as she wiped away the tears. 

"Don't worry about it, that's what friends are for," Roy told her gently while trying to help wipe away the tears. 

Tracey placed her hand over Roy's as he wiped the tears away.  As she held on, she turned her head and placed a gentle kiss on the palm of his hand before placing his hand back on her cheek.  The feelings Roy felt go through him at that moment were indescribable.  The look in Tracey's eyes were full of desire.  Roy gently moved his hand from her cheek to the back of her neck, moving his self closer until he gently laid a soft, gentle, ‘getting-to-know-you’ kiss on her lips.  After breaking apart to breathe, they both looked into each other's eyes, "Wow" they both said, then grinned. 

Roy put his arms around Tracey and pulled her into a gentle hug.  They sat there like that for quite some time before Roy finally broke the silence, "So where do we go from here?" 

"I would like to keep seeing you, I've got feelings for you I haven't felt for anyone in quite some time.  Besides, you've already passed the 'Eddy test'", Tracey grinned. 

Roy placed a soft, gentle kiss on her forehead as he said, "I want to keep seeing you too.  There's something special about you.  I haven't even considered looking at another woman since Joanne died, but as soon as I saw you, I couldn't help but keep looking, hoping we would connect somehow.” 

Tracey and Roy spent the rest of the evening cuddled together on the couch watching the game and then the news.  They also talked to each other about their hopes, dreams, jobs, friends and families.  Roy told Tracey about Chris who was now a lawyer and was working in the State District Attorney's office, and Jenn who was a registered nurse and living in San Diego where her fiancé, Dale was stationed with the Navy.  Dale was due home from a deployment around mid-May and their wedding is planned for the end of June.  He also told Tracey about Joanne.  How they met in the fourth grade and were inseparable through grade school, high school, his tour in Vietnam and his years in the fire department.  She was the love of his life and would always hold a special place in his heart, mainly for giving him two wonderful children. 

“Roy, how will Chris and Jenn react to my age?” 

“I’m not really sure.  I hope they would realize it doesn’t make a difference to me, so it shouldn’t to them.  Age shouldn’t matter, it’s what is inside a person that matters” 

“But I am only five years older then Chris.” 

“I know.  We’ll just have to cross that bridge when we get to it.”  They continued talking until well into the early morning hours.  When Roy looked at his watch and realized it was just after two a.m., he groaned, “I guess I should get going.” 

“You can’t drive home this late.  Why don’t you just stay here?” 

“Tracey, I don’t think we should.” 

Realizing how her offer sounded and with a quickly reddening face and eyes wide with embarrassment, Tracey stuttered, “I … I didn’t mean that.  I just meant I have a spare bedroom with a bed in it.  You’re about the same build as Eddy, so you can borrow something to sleep in.  You can head home in the morning after you get some rest.” 

“Well, that doesn’t sound to bad.  Are you sure you don’t mind?” 

“I wouldn’t have offered if I was going to mind.”  With that, Tracey showed Roy where everything was that he would need and then headed off to her room, closing her door behind her.  Neither realized the other lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, dreaming of the other person laying only a few feet away, separated by only one single wall. 

Roy woke up the next morning to the smell of coffee brewing.  A girl after my own heart, wait, she’s already working on that, Roy thought with a smile.  After getting his bearing, he walked out of the bedroom and headed into the kitchen, where he stopped dead in his tracks.  Standing there cooking breakfast, was a barefooted Tracey wearing shorts and a t-shirt, her hair pulled back into a ponytail.  God she even looks beautiful first thing in the morning.  “Morning,” he said sleepily. 

Tracey turned and greeted him with a smile, “Morning, Cap.” 

Roy went and poured himself some coffee and sat at the table. 

After sharing breakfast, they began to talk about their day ahead. 

Roy and Tracey became closer as the weeks went by, getting together whenever Roy wasn’t on shift.  Most nights found them cuddled together on the couch in Tracey’s apartment, just watching television (usually a Dodgers game). 

He had spoke with both Chris and Jenn and told them he was seeing someone and her name was Tracey.  They were both happy for their dad. 

Finally mid-May came and Jenn’s fiancé Dale was due in port in San Diego in two days.  Roy and Chris planned on going down there along with Dale’s parents who were also from the L.A. area.  Roy asked Tracey if she wanted to come with.  As much as she wanted to meet Chris and Jenn, she didn’t think this trip was the time to do it, this was a family event.  Although Roy was a little disappointed, he understood.  When Tracey explained that she felt this was to big of an event in Jenn's life to possibly be overshadowed by everyone being introduced to her, Roy understood. 

Tracey knew she was falling for Roy, but didn’t realize how much until he left for San Diego for 3 days and she missed him terribly the entire time he was gone. 

A few days later, he and Chris along with Dale's parents drove to San Diego.  They spent 3 wonderful days welcoming Dale back.  Watching Dale and Jenn, Roy felt a hint of jealousy of their being together while he was missing Tracey something terribly.  He called her every night like he promised he would.