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Morning is Breaking
By Jan
Copyright 2003
The dawn of a new day
was slowly making its way into the sleep filled mind of Joanne DeSoto.
She was in that haze filled fog between sleep and awake in the bed that
she had shared with her husband and soul mate of nearly 50 years. She
smiled even in the sleepy fog she was in. How could she have been so
blessed? She and Roy were together and as happy as they had ever been on
the ranch…their home…that both of them loved. It was here that they had
watched their dreams become reality, where Roy had taught their
grandchildren to ride and train horses, fish and appreciate the natural
world that God had richly blessed them with. Joanne tried to stretch her
back. She had started to have painful arthritis a few years ago, but her
movements were stopped by the wonderful presence of her life and love.
There was Roy curled
up beside Joanne. His head pillowed on her bosom, his arm across her
waist. Joanne loved curling up to Roy…always did the whole time that they
had been together as a couple, but there were times when Roy needed to
feel close to her. Joanne recalled the times that Roy had been hurt on
the job as a paramedic/firefighter for the LA County Fire Service, the
death of his beloved mother, his 1st heart attack and his later
bypass surgery. Joanne had held him, stroking his hair and whispering
words of comfort and great love until Roy had fallen into a healing
soothing sleep. Joanne loved falling to sleep on Roy’s mass of soft chest
hair and listening to his wonderful compassionate heart, but she thought
she loved holding Roy through the long night even more.
Especially in the
last few days, Roy seemed to need to be close to Joanne and Joanne happily
complied. They would sit on the porch and hold hands, giving and
receiving gentle kisses and caresses while the sun set or ride the horses
up through the trails that they had both forged over the years they had
been together around their property. Their lovemaking had become gentle
yet still passionate in its intensity even after all these years. Yes,
Joanne DeSoto, she thought you are a blessed, a very blessed woman. She
ran her fingers through Roy’s grey hair that was starting to sparkle in
the glow of the new day’s sunrise. She hugged him gently pulling up the
comforter on Roy’s waist. He seemed a little chilled. She hoped he
wasn’t coming down with something.
Joanne was so
comfortable, but she knew that breakfast wouldn’t get made by itself, and
for all of Roy’s skills since his retirement 20 years ago, cooking was the
one household task that she always did. She chuckled to herself because
she knew through his co-workers at Fire Station 51 that he COULD cook and
cook well. She had always thought that he knew how much she enjoyed doing
that chore and so he pretended that he couldn’t master the culinary arts
as well as she could when it was just the two of them. What a wonderful,
good-hearted man she had married!
“Roy babe?” said
Joanne softly in his ear. “Roy…honey…time to wake up,” Roy didn’t
move…didn’t flinch at all. Joanne knew that Roy had been tired the
evening before. They had even gone to bed earlier than usual because Roy
seemed so exhausted, but not before Roy had called their son Chris,
daughter Jenny and their families. It was a twice a week ritual with
them. They loved their family…Roy had cried silent bittersweet tears when
they had each moved on to lives of their own. He was happy and proud that
his children had grown into wonderful caring adults with lives, jobs they
loved…in the fire service no less…families and GRANDCHILDREN that were
absolutely his pride and joy, but tears none the less because along with
their new lives they didn’t get a chance to see Chris, Jennifer and their
families as often as they would like.
Looking at Roy though
she smiled thinking of how she had told him that they would think of
SOMETHING to do in the void their children’s absence had left in their
lives, and they did just that. They had bought this small ranch with a
little land that went into the hills around LA County. They had traveled
some, and shared great times with their friends…the men and families of
stationhouse 51 that Roy worked most of his fire/paramedic service with
before he rose in rank retiring as Battalion Chief, but they loved just
the chance to be alone together at the ranch to share thoughts, laughter,
joy, and lots and lots of LOVE. Those feelings of deep love stirred
within Joanne for Roy as she continued to run her fingers through the
silky strands that she loved to touch so much. “Roy…?” Joanne finally
gave him a shake on his shoulder. It seemed cool and a little strange to
the touch. “ROY…?” Joanne pushed herself onto her side and looked at
Roy. Roy just rolled with her and it was then that Joanne DeSoto realized
how blessed she really had been these past 50 years and how drastically
her life would change this day that was just beginning to break.
Her life, her love,
her Roy had passed away in his sleep sometime in the last few hours of the
night. Joanne started to go into CPR that Roy had taught her early in
their marriage when he was just starting in the paramedic program, but
looking at Roy’s face, touching his skin, she quickly realized that Roy
was really gone and not coming back. She kissed Roy’s hands, his eyelids,
and his full lips that weren’t quite cold yet. Had she told Roy that she
loved him last night before they went to bed…did she tell him that he
quite literally brought her more happiness and joy than she could have
ever dreamed of…did she tell her soul mate how precious he really was to
her?
Joanne looked towards
the window with the new day’s sun streaming beautifully through the panes
of glass and prayed to the Lord to take care of her love. With silent
tears streaming down her face and splashing on the face of her friend, her
partner, her love, Joanne DeSoto took Roy into her arms and just held on
for a great while. Maybe this was selfish…maybe it was unfair to Roy’s
lifelong friend and partner John Gage, to Chris and Jenny and the rest of
their family and dear friends…there would be many people who would
painfully feel Roy’s loss. Joanne’s thoughts trailed off though. She was
his wife and longest lifetime friend…SHE needed this time with Roy…needed
to hold him, to caress his hair…share his rapidly disappearing warmth.
She needed the time alone with her soul mate to remember their wonderful
life together and to say to him all she needed to say. “I will not say
goodbye, Roy,” said Joanne. “Rest well my love…see you soon. I love you,
don’t forget.” And in the expanse of sky and clouds above their ranch,
streams of light fell from the sun in a beautiful kaleidoscope of color.
Joanne smiled and whispered “Thank-you.”
The End
Dedication: To my
wonderful father who although didn’t pass to The Father via a heart
attack, DID leave us suddenly and without warning. This story came out of
the conversation that I had with my Daddy the night before he died. I was
fortunate…I got to say everything to Daddy that I wanted to say without
knowing that would be the last time I would have the opportunity. I am so
thankful to the Lord that I listened to The Spirit that night.
My thanks also go to
the author of “The Long and Winding
Road” series who graciously allowed
me to get this story on paper after I read his incredibly moving “Today I
Watched My Father Cry”.
This story is an
adaptation of my “Morning Has Broken” story that can be found on the E!
Nook in “The Long and Winding Road” Series.
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